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bgregory17 Asked January 2015

Should I lie and agree with Mom that she can come home (PCF) any time she wants?

Just so she gets placed and the help she needs. Mom is 80 years old, living alone. Dad died in Sept 2015 after 60 years of marriage. She uses a walker and just recovered from a broken wrist with surgery after a fall in November. She can do some things for herself, but needs assist with morning care, some meal prep, and medications. Personal Care facility would be a great idea for her, but she refuses to consider this option. Siblings mad at me for even suggesting that I provide details on the fact that she does into the facility, gets the care she needs, probably for the rest of her life. They say I shouldn't give her that information and just get her into the facility, borderline lie to her that she will be able to come back home even though she probably won't be able to come back home.

pamstegma Jan 2015
No do not lie to her. Ask her to take one day at a time. Tell her you don't have the answer to that. Once you get caught in a lie, she will never trust you again.

notrydoyoda Jan 2015
Unless you are her guardian, you can't force her against her will to go.

Does she have dementia? Has a doctor evaluated how competent she is?

Unless she has been diagnosed by two doctors as not being competent, you can't become her guardian.

I think the siblings all need to come together in a meeting and come up with a better plan than this. Is there anyway to hire of caregiver to come in at least part of the day? Can she pay for that and would she be open to the idea?

Right now my dad has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. He lives at home with three caregivers a day for 24/7 care. He get some assistance with getting up in the am and his meds. Also, they cook his meals and clean the house. My step-sister and I think the situation is stable right now, but neither of us have the authority to place him anywhere against his will. It may come to that, but it is not right now.

I wish you well in getting all of this resolved.

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