Follow
Share

Mom is living with my sister. She has been on a waiting list for the memory care center assisted living and they called saying they will have an opening soon. Mom is 88 years old and currently at stage 5/6. Every day is a new day but she still has enough cognitive memory I am afraid she will think we are "throwing her away" when we take her over.


How do we approach this discussion and what are the best words to use to explain to her when she won't remember the discussion the next day?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I agree. Don't give advance notice. I did and it was not good. My cousin had agreed to go to AL, but the morning we were to go, she said she was too sick to go. I was so scared I wouldn't be able to get her in the car. I had to insist she go with me to interview the facility. The big focus was by her doctor and me that she needed some physical therapy for her rehab (she had several falls) and also medication administered.

I packed her a small bag and took it with us. Once we were inside, we talked to the director of the AL and we focused on the things she could do there, like games, movies, meals, outings, socials, transportation, physical therapy, etc. She talked about the meal options, beverage options, holiday celebrations, etc. She asked what kind of breakfast she preferred, etc. We talked about them administering her medications, transporting to appointments, etc. After awhile, my cousin said she would like to stay and try it. I was so relieved.

I would avoid discussion before she is in the door and papers are being signed. Is this a SECURE Memory Care facility? If it is, that's a reassurance, if not, then that's another issue you may have to address if she refuses to stay. I had to move my cousin to a Secure facility eventually.

I would praise her for making the right decision, Give her credit for the idea. She may not recall it wasn't her idea. Also, tell her how the people at the Memory Care facility said good things about her, like how nice she seemed, how they liked her outfit and how lovely her hair is. I found that when they feel admired by the staff and residents, they feel more comfortable there.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Don't tell her too far in advance or she will fret and obsess and drive you crazy. Some people would advise not giving any advance but that seems like an ambush to me. If it were my mom I'd tell her 2 days ahead of time. Give her time to get used to the idea.

She's going so there's not much she can do about it and I don't know if there's anything you can do to make the transition easier on your mom. Her dementia is going to work against you and there's only so many times you can say, "We told about this mom but maybe you forgot, hmmm?"

Just remember that with her dementia she will forget being told. She'll forget why she's there. Be kind and gentle with her.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Practice makes perfect right? I had just one experience trying to introduce my mother to daycare... needless to say, they hid the knives and... thank God she doesn't know how to get out of her seat belt or we would both be dead.

It's awesome that you realize how strenuous it is being a caregiver... wow, your sister is lucky! With time and helpful guidance, it sounds like your mom might just do well in a memory care center. If nothing else, a gathering of dementia peeps is kind of fun :) especially for THEM! She may LOVE IT.

Nothing left to do but try eh?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

We have taken her over there several times. I have taken her to a couple of events but she doesn't remember. Each time we go over she tells us afterwards that she is not as bad as those people and doesn't belong there. My sister is her caregiver and it is causing health issues with her.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It's right here Christine2.

I'd slowly introduce her to it, make it something FUN. Have you taken mom for a visit to the facility?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.