I'm not a caregiver, but my boyfriend is. I feel lost and upset for him. What can I do to help?

Alas. What he wants is not something you can give him or help him with. Of course he wants his mother to get better. It is what all caregivers want. But sometimes that cannot happen, and Alzheimer's is one situation where it can't. Keeping Mom comfortable, safe, fed, and as content as possible are the real goals here, not getting her better.

If you can gently help him accept that it would be a great help indeed.

BF needs to realize that no one can save his Mom. Probably time to look into assistance at home or a fulltime care facility. It is a 24/7 job without relief and more than one person can handle. It is wonderful he wants to be there for his Mom; however, he does not have to give up is own life. There is help out there and maybe you can help him see the importance of taking care of himself. Best of luck!

Thanks everyone!! I understand she will never get better. She's been battling Alzheimer's disease for a long time now. I've read so much about it.... I read every day, still. Always learning something new. Trying new foods & new ideas. We have books with pictures for her. She's really sharp some days. He's the best man I've ever known. He cares for her so much. It kills me knowing he's hurting. He's doing everything he can to save his mom. She just keeps getting weaker. I am reading up on how to be a better friend, more understanding, & more of a light for him. I only want to be helpful and show him how much he means me. Never want to pressure him. I think a caregiver has the hardest job ever.

You do realize that his mom is not likely to get better, although there may be things in improving nutrition or reading up on her meds might make a difference. Be informed! (But not a know-it-all with him.)

Rather than asking "how can I help?" watch for some specific things that need doing that you could do. Maybe just something simple like reading to her, or find out what music she might like. Maybe making fresh juices for her, see what you could do with simple nutritious foods. Read up on what her problems are, but be careful how you offer advice.

What is wrong with his mother, BeeLee?

If your boyfriend is his mom's caregiver he will put his mom first above you, even above himself. This is what caregivers do.

Have you asked him, "How can I help?"