My Mom (80) raised her voice and shook her finger at me in Walmart like I was a child, How should I handle her?

Kind of the same thing happened to me. One day on the way home from doctor's office I asked her why she never answers the doctor's questions. She didn't answer, then suddenly said, I'm sick of answering YOUR questions.

So, I drove right past the restaurant we were supposed to go to. I told her never to talk to me that way again. And, she never has.

The same happened to me only after a doctor's appointment. I asked her why she never answered questions the doctor asks. She attacked ME by saying, "I'm sick of answering all your questions!" at which point we drove by the restaurant I promised to take her to. She asked why we weren't going out to eat and I just told her she was never to talk to me like that again.

She has never talked to me like that again.

Sometimes, when I am too nice to my dad, he treats me worse.

Completely understood, Kathy. I have a friend whose mother is deep in dementia one day, completely lucid the next. Unfortunately, the bad days usually coincide with grocery shopping day, and she will harrass her daughter all the way through the store, pointing at things on shelves and making a loud grunting/moaning noise while urgently pointing at the item she wants on the shelf and grabbing her daughter by the arm and shaking her. The next day, if taken to the store, she would say, "I'd like one of those, please".

Such is the life of the caregiver. Unfortunately, it's not always as kind and gentle as we'd like it to be. Our parents or loved ones don't always drift through their golden years on a cloud. :-(

Working, you handled it exactly the way I would have handled it.

Sorry, I jumped to conclusions. I see my siblings impatient, rushing Dad to make a decision, expecting Dad to fall at their feet in gratitude because they deigned to give Dad an hour of their busy lives.

I find when Dad goes all parent on me, it makes him feel good to reinforce our parent child bond. Yes sir, thank you sir. I never considered dementia.

Large stores and busy restaurants overwhelm her senses. Dementia patients cannot withstand a lot of input from multiple sources. Think about it: background noise, bright lights, dazzling displays, lots of people and sometimes music piped in. They just can't handle it, and they have outbursts. Avoid those situations.

How did you keep a straight face? Come on, it's funny!!! Did she add: "… and you're not too big to go over my knee!"

Working, what was the series of events that led to her shaking her finger at you?

Kathy.....might be a good idea to look at this from the caregiver's point of view instead of assuming that SHE did something wrong. This may just be dementia in action here, not anything the caregiver/daughter did wrong. If we apologize to our parents for every perceived wrongdoing, we'll never stop apologizing. None of us were there to see the situation - making assumptions isn't helpful.

For one you could stop treating her like a miscreant child. Instead of threats, why not just tell her adult to adult to knock it off. You obviously did somethimg to make your mother angry. Why not focus on that and apologize for what ever set her off. It is easy to infantalize our parents, no wonder they lash out. It is the only thing that gets through to us.