What is more important, mom's wishes before she passes or the money?

Not to make you angry, but at 95 does Mom really understand what she "wants"? Ir she is trying to leave something for you all, does she understand she is messing that up? And if she is long lived, the Mediwhatever 5 year look back may kick in. I agree with getting a finacial advisor to help explain this to her.. of just tell her the house in not "selling at this time"

Only the trustees can sell the house. A life tenant is entitled to part of the proceeds, which your attorney will figure out. That amount has to be spent down before Medicaid will pick up the tab On the other hand, when she dies inheritance taxes would be slim to none. Do not go ahead and sell before she dies, it would be a big mistake for her and her heirs.

In addition, from what I understand, if Mom distributes monies before her death, she will almost certainly forfeit eligibility for Medicaid, should that become necessary. Never say never; given what my dad had socked away, I would never have IMAGINED that we would be looking at Medicaid down the road. NH care where mom is situated right now is &15,000 per month, with a roommate. Private pay. She's been there for more than a year now, and she's thriving; gained weight, walking better, eating better, more alert and less demented. So that's great! But it's nearly $200,000 per year. The money is going to run out if she lives for several more years (and her family generally lives into their late 90s; she's only 91). So never say never. Get to the eldercare atty asap.

Amen to ba8alou, give it a try.

Take your Mom to an elder care attorney who can explain the tax implications to her. Most elders will believe what an outside professional tells them, as opposed to what their "kids" tell them. Give it a shot.