How can I get Mom to shower and change her clothes?

Eyerishlass, I did try the "no option" option and asked for an aide when he had home health care after a hip fracture last year. Dad fired him! He told me later he didn't need anyone to help him shower. I was speechless.

I cared for my dad in my home and he got to a point where he wasn't showering. I couldn't figure out how to deal with it (oh, where was this site when I needed it!) so I just let it go and tried to drop some hints. No luck.

Finally I just came out and asked him why he wasn't showering. He didn't give me a reason although I suspect he had one. So I took it upon myself to hire someone to come and help him with a shower. After a few times of this he decided to clean himself up without help.

I didn't give my dad the option of not showering. I never said to him, "How about a shower today?" or "Why don't you take a nice hot shower?" I just hired someone to come in and that was that.

I'm very much in favor of giving our elderly parents options, letting them make the decisions (if possible) but I draw the line at personal hygiene. I never gave my dad the option of showering or not showering. He was going to take a shower and that's all there was to it.

However, if the shower issue is being discussed to death I agree with GardenArtist to let it lie for a day or so and then go at it again. I realize you can't throw your mom over your shoulder and put her in the shower but we have to pick our battles and personal hygiene should be a battle we pick.

Have your parents just moved there? Perhaps she's still acclimating to such personal assistance by strangers.

I would make sure she's got some wipes in the bathroom, plenty of washcloths and check the clothes a few times a week to make sure clean ones are there. Just unobtrusively take the dirty ones and wash them at home.

The more an issue is made, the more I think she would resist. Don't mention it for several days and give her some space.