My Mom has dementia and she thinks that things are happening that are not really happening. Any advice?

fligirl,
loss of control causes extreme agitation in the elderly. i never help with something unless i first ask if theyd like help. my mother dearly loved me for letting her remain at the helm until her last breath.
hospice told me at a point that id have to start making the decisions around our house. i told em to take it up with crazy horse in there.. i hope im the most difficult advocate theyve ever dealt with..
( dullards )

Last night my mom said to me that I was not her mother. I have started doing everything I can for her instead of letting her do some things. I want to know if I am making her worse by doing everything. I do need to give her the medications she is supposed to take but I think I may be taking it too far. Does anyone else have this kind of problem.

She won't believe you, she will insist YOUR memory is failing. Captain is right. Yesterday mom said the Hairdresser shaved her moustache while she was in the dining room. I just let her ramble, unless it is something that upsets her, then I tell her I will take care of it and she will be just fine. If she is criticizing someone, I change the subject . Dementia is easy to redirect.

i agree , facts are just a pain in the a** . i only mention memory problems to an elder when theyre lamenting their loss of organization. i explain that their brain is getting as old and crotchety as the rest of their organs. the word " dementia " neednt ever come up .. tell them your brain dont work worth a dam sometimes either. it really puts them at ease.
do not dispute their delusions, youll lose your marbles and become the enemy..

Exactly right. You cannot reason with them and reminding them of their dementia diagnosis is more frightening and traumatic for them. Just quietly listen to them, and redirect them to something else or take them outside for a walk, etc and they will move on to the next thing. That's not to say they can't be fixated on something and constantly bring it up. But you can acknowledge their "reality" without agreeing with it and move onto something else. When my mom does this, I just suggest a walk or go into the kitchen and make us a snack and beverage and pull her into another room and she is pretty easily re directed. If it's a hallucination, I let her tell me about it and then we go to another room or into the car for a short ride and it's all forgotten.

I don't see much merit in insisting that your mother be told the imaginary things aren't happening, unless they're frightening and upsetting her and/or unless they affect the health of you or someone who's helping to care for her.

Unfortunately, sometimes with dementia you just have to "go with the flow" as long as there is no physical harm.

Based on my understanding of those moments of confusion with dementia, your mother is unlikely to understand if you tell her the events did not happen.