My sister won't let me talk with my Mom. Any advice?
She said that she has a POA, but I have never seen it. My mom recently fell and now is in a nursing home and they will not allow me to talk with her. They are giving me the complete runaround. What are my options without getting legal involved?
Been there and you will need to discuss with your sister why she is preventing you from seeing your mother. With her having POA, the nursing facility will do as she asks, and you could ask them to show you the POA. If they refuse, hire an attorney. If the POA is valid you might not have any more options. Write your mother a letter and tell her you love her and thinking of her. Family can be very hurtful and hateful. I don't speak to my three sisters still because of their vengefulness.
FULL POA would allow your sister to dictate who can visit if mom is in a nursing or hospital setting. I am in California and i could tell doctors, nurses to not allow specific family if i felt one of them is upsetting her or if i had a grudge. I am sure you have had discussion with sis in the past- what is her problem with you? Not saying she's right but she has a reason. Your only option- legally or have a talk with sister or ask the nursing home to show you a copy of the POA they HAVE TO HAVE or if they dont produce proof, call the police as you stand in front of the desk at the nursing home. My mom's POA is not public bcus she did it thru a private attorney as part of her WILL- No courts or judges involved- I wish you all the luck and am sorry for your problem.
When we moved my dad to a NH, we had to meet with the social worker, financial, director and the supervisor of his floor. In our case, my sister is the Medical POA and I am the Financial POA. Her Medical POA was only good IF and when he was declared mentally incompetent which he was because of dementia. My financial POA I had in place for several years before he was admitted.
Therefore, we had to make a list of people who could call to get information about his health or take him out of the nursing home. We were never asked if there were people who were not allowed to visit.
Do you know what type of POA your sister has or do you think she is just throwing that out to you as POWER over you? Have you had a good relationship with your sister? your mother? Have you asked your sister if there is a valid reason for not being allowed to see your mother? I think I would exhaust all other avenues to obtain visiting your mother before you bring legal into it. They may drive the final peg into a closed door in your relationships.
My father has his own phone in his room and anyone can call him at any time. No one has ever stopped me to ask who I was visiting. I just go up to his room. You might have to ask which room is your mother's, without giving information they do not need. She is not in prison, so visitors is not something that needs to be regulated.
I wish you success in getting in to see your mom. She may be wondering why you have not come to see her. I would not get into anything ABOUT your sister. Just love your mom.
POA would not, by itself, give your sister the authority to dictate on a whim who is or is not permitted social contact with your mother. POA, of the sort specifically set up to govern health and welfare, would make your sister responsible for ensuring that your mother's best interests are served. Since, obviously, one would not normally imagine that it is in an elderly woman's best interests to be kept from her child, I suspect there is some important reason - good enough at least for the NH to be content to play ball - why your sister believes that contact with you would be bad for your mother. Right or wrong, fair or horribly unjust, what do you think that reason might be? It could be a reason that is completely unconnected with you or your conduct: for example, that your mother becomes very distressed and confused when she sees or speaks to people who aren't part of her daily routine.
I don't know whether exactly the same procedures are followed in the US, but in the UK a POA must itemise "people to be told" before the document can be registered and become active; those people would often include siblings or children; and the systems are usually much the same. Therefore: if your sister has a valid POA, I am mildly surprised that you were not informed that it was about to come into force; but it isn't necessarily sinister. There is a simple solution. Ask your sister for sight of the document. It's a perfectly reasonable request which she cannot have any serious objection to. If she does refuse to let you see it, tell her you will be taking the matter up with a legal adviser. If she still refuses, get legal advice - because if your sister is making airy claims about her authority to the NH, quite apart from what she's telling you, that could be a serious matter.
PA has an online complaint form at http://www.portal.state.pa.us/portal/server.pt?open=514&objID=937981&mode=2 So file your complaint about visitation there, but first, talk to facility Director and get written proof you are being denied.
Are you close enough that you can go see your mother? Or are you farther away and dependent on calling her by phone? More detail here would help. I have POA for my mother and I don't think that gives me any authority to say who can and cannot talk to her. POA is for financial decisions, not complete control of a person's life.
POAs are usually public documents. You should be given a copy upon request, and if it is valid, the option you have without additional legal help is to negotiate with your sister who could then communicate permissi, or areon with the nursing home. Do you think there are valid reasons (from their point of view) for them to stop you from contact, or do you have reason to think Mom is being abused or neglected and something more sinister is going on? If it is the latter, you would go to the Office of Long Term Care and/or APS if an ombudsman can't help you out.
This situation will only get worse. I am surprised you have let it go this far. If you can't afford legal help, ask legal aid. The power, control your sister has over you is about much more deep stuff between the two of you. Get yourself in to see/talk to your mom and don't wait a day longer to REJECT your sister's "rule" that you can't see your mom. Get moving!
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Therefore, we had to make a list of people who could call to get information about his health or take him out of the nursing home. We were never asked if there were people who were not allowed to visit.
Do you know what type of POA your sister has or do you think she is just throwing that out to you as POWER over you? Have you had a good relationship with your sister? your mother? Have you asked your sister if there is a valid reason for not being allowed to see your mother? I think I would exhaust all other avenues to obtain visiting your mother before you bring legal into it. They may drive the final peg into a closed door in your relationships.
My father has his own phone in his room and anyone can call him at any time. No one has ever stopped me to ask who I was visiting. I just go up to his room. You might have to ask which room is your mother's, without giving information they do not need. She is not in prison, so visitors is not something that needs to be regulated.
I wish you success in getting in to see your mom. She may be wondering why you have not come to see her. I would not get into anything ABOUT your sister. Just love your mom.
I don't know whether exactly the same procedures are followed in the US, but in the UK a POA must itemise "people to be told" before the document can be registered and become active; those people would often include siblings or children; and the systems are usually much the same. Therefore: if your sister has a valid POA, I am mildly surprised that you were not informed that it was about to come into force; but it isn't necessarily sinister. There is a simple solution. Ask your sister for sight of the document. It's a perfectly reasonable request which she cannot have any serious objection to. If she does refuse to let you see it, tell her you will be taking the matter up with a legal adviser. If she still refuses, get legal advice - because if your sister is making airy claims about her authority to the NH, quite apart from what she's telling you, that could be a serious matter.
So file your complaint about visitation there, but first, talk to facility Director and get written proof you are being denied.
The power, control your sister has over you is about much more deep stuff between the two of you. Get yourself in to see/talk to your mom and don't wait a day longer to REJECT your sister's "rule" that you can't see your mom. Get moving!