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cmcwrinkl1 Asked January 2014

Brother took Mom "to dinner" last night and has not returned. What should I do?

Brother made sudden visit from out of town. Mom called late last night to say they were lost and would get a hotel room. She has no meds and just the clothes on her back. I've been calling her all afternoon with no answer but her phone battery is probably uncharged. Brother not answering anyone's texts. Brother going through crisis - financial, relationship, etc - and said wanted to talk to Mom.

Mom has high blood pressure and is stroke survivor. Takes meds morning and evening for thyroid and blood pressure. Has vision and balance issues. Goes NOWHERE alone. Needs arm to lean on. Also, is very cold here today (FL) and she isn't dressed warm enough. I am concerned for her safety and health.

My siblings and I are giving it until evening before we completely panic. Suggestions?

cmcwrinkl1 Jan 2014
Veronica, that was exactly what I was thinking. I imagined him taking her to the ATM and getting out the daily maximum. I'm POA but she has her debit card with her all the time. I spent the day they were out checking the online bank account every hour!

I like the pill idea and think we will do that. Can't hurt.

ladee1 Jan 2014
Thank God this one ended well... how frightening... too many possibilities of what could have happened.... little pill box a great idea....and of course you know now to not let him be alone with her again.... deep sigh of gratitude this ended well, even if she did get upset.... sending hugs and thanking your moms angels for taking care of her...

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blannie Jan 2014
I agree with Veronica - my first thought was brother was trying to get money from her. And the extra pills are a good idea, if mom would know to take them.

It is weird when the tables turn and you become the parent. I took my mom to the doctor this week and had told her to dress warmly with a muffler, because cold air makes her cough. When she came out (five minutes late), she had a hat on, no gloves and an old ratty jacket (not her winter coat). It was 2 degrees out and she immediately started coughing, because she didn't have her warm muffler over her nose. I was fit to be tied! From now on, I'll have to go upstairs and get her ready. At 94, she's lost the ability to know what is right for the weather. Sigh.

Veronica91 Jan 2014
My first instinct was to ask if brother wanted mother on her own so he could extract money. is she still in control of her own money? If you have financial POA can you check with the bank to see if a large amount was withdrawn. Just in case she gets lost again have her carry a tiny pill box in her purse with a couple of days meds in it. Always a good idea for anyone in case a disaster happens when they are away from home.

cmcwrinkl1 Jan 2014
Mom's phone battery was low because she always charges it overnight and could not charge it when they got the hotel room. But she did get offended that I was so upset - said she didn't know I was trying to reach her and why am I mad about it. After we both calmed down, I explained to her that I was worried because I love her and want her to be safe and we have to all be more aware and communicate in the future.

This was truly the tables turned and me the parent and her the child, chafing at having to report back, not being able to just do what she wants however she wants. It probably touches on a thornier issue, too, regarding my brother's behavior, which can be erratic, and my distrust of him. And my siblings' distrust of him. I had a brother and brother-in-law living two hours away ready to come looking for them. My husband was right, we should have told him at 9 pm that they could not go out to dinner, it was late and everyone needed sleep.

Glad this episode ended well but I am certainly prepared for it if it happens again. And I'm glad I had this forum for support. Thank you.

gladimhere Jan 2014
Good News! Let brother know that he needs to keep in better contact. And I would not let him take mom to dinner alone again.

assandache7 Jan 2014
Thank God! Don't let that happen again..

jeannegibbs Jan 2014
Thank you so much for the good news update! How worrisome this episode was!

JessieBelle Jan 2014
Thank goodness! I feel better now.

cmcwrinkl1 Jan 2014
My husband went home and Mom is home and okay. I'll talk to her soon - on my way home now. I have been worried for 4 hours.

lsmiami Jan 2014
Call the police immediately. Assuming no foul play on his side, maybe they were in an accident, maybe he had a Herat attack and she became confused.
You cannot take an elderly person out without there medications for an extended period. I hope bro is stable, even if dealing with a crisis

cmcwrinkl1 Jan 2014
His girlfriend rented the car last week for him. Then they broke up over weekend. I am waiting for my husband to see if she is home and just napping and doesn't hear her phone. Wish he would hurry. I am picturing all sorts of scenarios. Nothing like this has ever happened.

pamstegma Jan 2014
The cops can track him via his cellphone or hers. If he crosses the state line, you get the FBI involved.

gladimhere Jan 2014
You are in Florida it is pretty close to evening. Is mom mentally competent? I would call the police, its been close to 24 hours. They may not do anything until 48 hours. Tell police of potential risk to her without meds and see what they might do. Was brother driving his own car or renting one? Police will need that information.

pamstegma Jan 2014
Who is the Guardian?

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