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sunshine34 Asked October 2013

Changing from one caregiver to another. How can I do this with the least stress on grandpa?

I am a full time live in caregiver for my grandpa who is 82 and middle stage dementia.I have been caring for him for 7 months now. My parents help me out on weekends so that I can have a break. I recently got engaged and will be moving to a different province in January 2014. My grandpa is very distraught by me moving and when discussing it always says I'm abandoning him. It makes me feel so bad as I care very much about his well being and sanity. I have been told by many that I am a great caregiver but I only took the task as a temporary assistance to my parents. My parents feel that I have done a great job but it is time for me to get on with my life and would like to transition him to a new caregiver in the next few months. The new caregiver will be a non-family member. My question is, how do I do this with the least amount of stress on my grandpa? I do want there to be a transition as I think cold turkey would be very difficult for him. Does anyone have any experience or advice on this matter? I'd appreciate it immensely!

WaterStone Nov 2013
Definitely start now with finding a caregiver and transition them in. You may not like the first one, or the second one, but you seem to have time to find a good fit. You might try letting them shadow you and then start handing off certain things to the new caregiver as your grandfather becomes more comfortable with him/her.

ferris1 Nov 2013
Try having the new caregiver stay with you as you go through your routines. Then alternate days. Then increase your time away, as your grandfather will soon forget that you were ever there. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage, and I am sure your fiancé appreciates the efforts you have put forth!

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blannie Nov 2013
I don't have a loved one with dementia, but I'd try to work alongside the new person for a while, so your granddad sees you together and that you like each other. That would also allow you to show her how you do thinks that work for you. If possible, before she starts, I'd show him her picture and put it somewhere that he can see, so he can get used to her face before she appears. Good luck, you sound like a wonderful granddaughter!

kizna Nov 2013
also I find that the women who are in their 50's and up to be better caregivers. they already have their own homes and are just better workers don't complain as much as the younger ones. sorry if I offend someone just my experience in hiring....

kizna Nov 2013
it was even hard on me with the transition but I'm used to it now. lol.. glad I could help!!!

Gigi11 Nov 2013
Sunshine -- I agree about the gradual transition, and meanwhile don't hold your breath waiting for your grandfather to support it. His selfishness probably is rooted in the fear that comes to many people along with aging and increased dependency. May all parties be blessed in this challenging transition and peace prevail.

sunshine34 Nov 2013
Thanks I appreciate it! That has been my thought was to slowly transition him to someone new. I will definitely do background checks and get references! Thanks for your advice.

kizna Nov 2013
I had to change caregivers for my mom as well. we went to live in which is much cheaper. anyway, I hired a gal started her out slowly to make sure she'd work out. then we went to a month live in etc. I have been so lucky to have such good caregivers. make sure u check their background checks. and references. I accidentally hired one that had a mug shot. she didn't work out and I let her go. she was good to mom but a complainer. but other than that I've been very lucky....

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