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mymares Asked October 2013

Anyone have a loved one that wants to shower several times a day?

I mostly lurk here, but I read a lot, today I am posting.
My husband who has mixed dementia's and PD or LBD, is driving me crazy. On one hand months ago I had a hard time getting him into the shower. NOW he wants to take one several times a day,changing his clothes fully.. He claims he is stinky all the time, he is not, I am very sensitive to smells and if he was I would know it! I know he passes a lot of gas and I try to tell him taking a shower is not going to get rid of that smell once he passes gas again.. He took a shower 2 hours ago, and just got out of another this was his 4th for the day.. Driving me nuts!

mymares Oct 2013
Thank you Bampam33.. I do try to understand.. BUT, I need to help him and watch him, he also has mobility issues and I need to help him get out (we are waiting for a roll shower from the VA, but with shutdown who knows when, it should have been in already since it was approved 5 months ago). His legs give out and he wont use his shower bench if I am not there to help.. He goes to respite twice a year and they only allow showers 2 times a week, he is scheduled to go again in January.. He complained last time about the limited showers and snuck into it a couple times. This is when he first started wanted several a day..
Yes, I would rather he shower then not, but several times a day if not needed is too much..

bampam33 Oct 2013
I can understand how frustrating this must be but coming from a germaphobe, I also understand from your husband's perspective how important it is to take a shower/bath when you feel you need one. My mom is presently in a nursing home (she's only 72!) and each time I visit, I want to pull her into the shower and scrub her hair. They have her on a twice a week schedule which absolutely blows my mind. Of course, she gets her daily sink-bath but that certainly doesn' t do the job. Hang in there and try to think about what you would do if he refused to bathe at all. Chin up.

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mymares Oct 2013
I took my only shower of the day, and told him there wont be any hot water till morning.. Tho we never run out of it!

Yes, we do have ALZ hotlines.. There are support meetings once a month, but on the same day he has a standing appt every week, so I never get to them.

I find the little white lies are getting more frequent, tho sometimes I think is he aware enough (he fluctuates with is cognition frequently) to know I am lying..

kazzaa Oct 2013
Well sometimes white lies work! Maybe try telling him hes used up the water? the expense? Here I could if I wanted to turn the water off BUT would that stress him? gosh this is tough. my mum is going through a phase of obsessing and its driving me nuts BUT hey presto i found lying is a cure. She keeps asking to me ring this and that several times a day so I lied and said yes ive rang them all she smirked and that was that. PHEW!!!!!!! its not nice but you have to. My mum is early stage so its very small things I notice but this drives me nuts she will hound me,follow me until its done!

Hugs to you and hope someone with more experience can help you also do you have a number there for ALS helpline 24/7 I know UK have one which i thought was a great idea just if you needed to talk to someone in a hurry!

mymares Oct 2013
Thank you Kazzaa for answering.. It was almost less stressful when I had to get him to take a shower.. This last one was while I was doing to dishes and thought he was just using the bathroom, but I could hear the shower running.. I dont know why I let this stress me so, but it does..
He is a Vietnam Veteran and all his illnesses coming from his service.. This area the VA is so overwhelmed that its tough to get in touch with his Dr's, all are at several of the VA clinics in NE Florida. I can leave a message via offices or internet, but it can take weeks to hear back depending on what the message is about..
I mentioned it to his psychiatrist about a month ago and she felt it was in the progression of the dementias.
Sometimes I think I have less patience since I have gone from being very active all day to a 24/7 caregiver, he does go to adult day care 2 days a week thru the VA.. But we moved to another state where I know no one, hard to get a social life. and our children live out west and the pacific northwest and they are not able to visit.
AND NOW he is telling me he needs another................... geeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzz.. I just told him its my turn before he uses up all the water..

kazzaa Oct 2013
Never heard of this before but maybe someone else on here has. I have opposite problem my mum only has a bath once a wk she washes everyday a bit by the sink but when she smells she refuses to wash its awful! This however is new to me and although id gladly welcome this a bit in my mum I can see how this would be distressing from another angle.
I would talk to his doctor OR maybe someone else here has experienced this gosh dont wash then wash too much this is so stressful maybe a bit of paranoia has started he feels unclean constantly how sad but as you say must be driving you nuts!

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