I am caring for someone with the following traits: angry, emotionally and verbally abusive, controlling, too apathetic to do anything for himself, even something as simple as making a sandwich or taking a shower. He seems incapable of learning anything yet insists he is the boss and expects to be obeyed in all matters. He hoards (mostly books and dvds) to the extent that any place I live with him rapidly becomes unusable (I haven't had a real bed of my own in years). He has physical illnesses of various sorts but nobody knows exactly what they are because he sends me to his doctor/s instead of going by himself. (He is obese, has high blood pressure, swollen legs and feet, impaired glucose tolerance, migraine and other headaches and has a lot of trouble walking, even with two canes.) He is childishly clingy, even following me to the bathroom. When we are apart, he rings me on my mobile frequently. When he flies into a rage (which is often), he throws things and destroys property. He is my former partner and the father of my sons, but there is almost nothing left of our former friendship. When I try to talk to him about almost anything, he tells me to shut up, ignores me, or interrupts me to shout a demand or request. Although highly intelligent, he does nothing all day but read (if fiction the same three or four books over and over again), program his dvd recorder, watch movies, and sit outside on the balcony with his books, his movies and his pipe. (The rest of the time, he sleeps.) He thinks nothing of keeping me up all night doing chores for him. To complicate things, he overuses a dozen or so prescriptive and over-the-counter medications and many of his requests and demands have to do with getting him his medicine. I have no friends, no time or space to myself and have come to hate him. I am writing to you because he SEEMS to have a lot of the signs and symptoms associated with dementia (by the way, he's 62) but refuses to have the matter looked into. Home help is out of the question; he won't have anybody and we are "temporarily" living in a backpackers' hostel. With his angry and erratic behaviour and insistence on his own way, respite care probably wouldn't take him. Commitment is not an option because he is not considered a danger to himself or others. What's wrong and what can I do?