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kfraim Asked July 2013

How can you tell your parent that you don't want to be their caregiver?

My father had a drug overdose when I was a child and he is now in a wheelchair in a nursing home. Recently he is constantly asking me to take him places. I don't mind this every once in a while but I don't have time to be his caregiver. I am only 22 and I have a young family of my own. The nursing home will take him where he needs to go but he tells me that they won't, so I will feel obligated to take him. I love my father and don't want to be rude and hurt his feelings. Help!

kfraim Jul 2013
I am an only child and my parents have been divorced since I was a baby. There really isn't any other family that is willing/able to drive him around. We live in a small town, so there really isn't any agencies either.

Setting a few days a month for Dad is a really good idea. I want to spend time with him and I love him, I just cannot put my family on hold to chauffeur him back and forth to the doctor and Wal-Mart. Thank you so much!!

Perseverance Jul 2013
How about scheduling 1-2 days out a month and telling him - perhaps creating a calendar so he can see it and know when you will take him out?

Where is your Mom? Are there other siblings? Are there agencies in your county that may be able to offer volunteers to take your dad out? Check online, or speak with your dad's NH as they will have that info.

You need to have an honest conversation with your father. Perhaps there are feelings of resentment for his drug overdose and how that impacted you growing up?

Boundaries are imperative with caregiving. Simply set them and stick to them with your father. Bless you.

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