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Gethelpsoon Asked August 2012

How come the person with dementia believes he lives somewhere else?

Every evening, my spouse goes toward the door to tells me he is going home, and he is already at home.

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF Aug 2012
Your husband likely remembers home as being the home you had when you were first married, or his childhood home, depending on what stage his dementia is in. His short-term memory is gone, and he is regressing farther and farther back into his history because that is what he remembers. He will more likely remember his children as youngsters and you as a young woman than how people are right now. That's the progression of the disease. As you know, it's very painful to witness this cognitive decline happening to your husband. Please try to keep up ongoing support and check with the Alzheimer's Association (www.alz.org) for many educational tips.
Take care,
Carol

MariRosa Aug 2012
My father in law (who used to be a snowbird until recently) tells us he's going back home and to take him to the airport to get back home almost every single day no matter how many times we remind him why he can't live by himself anymore. This is the biggest struggle for us right now too.

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jeannegibbs Aug 2012
I don't think there is anything you can say to convince someone with dementia that their reality is wrong. At least I never discovered it.

What helped me more than anything was learning about the progression of the disease.

Gethelpsoon Aug 2012
Is there something you can say to the spouse to help him remember that he does live at the current residence? Thanks Carol for the answer to the other question I understand a little better now.

Gethelpsoon Aug 2012
Is there any information or website out there to help learn more about the progression of the disease. My spouse has only been diagnosed just recently just within the last 4 months and I was told that the type of dementia he has progress quite fast.. I do have several blessing that he is still talking, eating by himself without assistance, bathes with assistances. I guess I need to count my blessings. Thanks for the information....

jeannegibbs Aug 2012
What kind of dementia does he have? The doctor must have an idea, to say it is a type that progresses very fast. Share that with us, for more specific sources of information.

tonio999 Aug 2012
Dear Get, My mom packs her bags to go home every night too. I tell her I need my mom with me all the time. That usually works. Yesterday she tried to buy a roller suitcase for packing at night! Also she only remembers her immediate family and sisters and brothers. Every day I have to tell her that the whole family has passed or she will try to call them. One night I found her in the kitchen in the dark with a flashlight. She was trying to find her mothers phone number. She kind of knows it is to no avail, but can't help herself. It is so sad. It breaks my heart. I try to change the subject, offer her ice cream, etc. I hate Alzheimers. She also has vascular dementia. Will be thinking of you!
Tonio999

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