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ivory2011 Asked May 2012

How can I help my socially isolated father?

My 87 year old father is still living independently but comes to stay with me for a month at a time 3-4 times a year. He seems very depressed and his negativity is pretty overwhelming. Conversation consists of him ranting about politics, my siblings, prices, banks, etc. and he needs constant attention from me. He is financially secure and in relatively good health. I think he would definitely benefit from more activities and human contact but he refuses all my suggestions to join church groups, book clubs, and the like. Because he's so dependent on me, he is literally waiting at the door each day when I get home from work and intensely worried if I am even 10 minutes later than usual. Both myself and my teenager daughter are stressed by the situation, although we want to do our best by him. Any suggestions? I think assisted living would be great for him, but he refuses to consider moving out of his house.

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF May 2012
You are right - assisted living is where he belongs. I don't know how you'll get him there, but the social outlet would likely make a big difference in his outlook on life. He has too much time alone to just think.
You may want to consider getting him into a doctor, as well. He could be suffering from clinical depression. If that is the case and medication helps, he may be more compliant about other changes in his life. It's worth a try.
Take care,
Carol

MississippiMom May 2012
See if there are any pick up partial day programs in your area. Our county mental health center has a 5 hour a day program that serves lunch, with transportation included, that really helped my mom keep from social isolation. It was no cost to us b/c she was a patient at the county mental health center - meaning she saw the psychiatrist every 3-4 months. It was great for her. They picked her up around 9 and brought her home at 3. She did this for two years before we ended up having to move her into 24 hour care. There is another one in our area associated with the geri-psych unit at one of our local hospitals too - that one was covered by medicaid and had roughly the same kind of deal, pick up, lunch, and drop off. Worth a shot to call around :)

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