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B
Bhenson Asked December 2011

I have to have surgery on my knee. Mom lives with me and can't take care of herself. Should I ask her to go to respite care?

I'm having knee surgery beginning of February. I am the only driver in the house and take care of my 87 year old mom and my husband as well who had a stroke. Mom is extremely needy and cannot do much at all for herself including bathing. I can get someone in to do that for her but what do I do with her all day long as she will drive me crazy and still expect me to help her somehow. She doesn't really "get it" and is ALWAYS unhappy. Should I ask her to go to respite care for a week or so in order for me to recoup? Problem with that is she honestly thinks she can help me somehow after surgery. She can hardly walk by herself and is almost blind. Help! Any ideas?

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF Dec 2011
Yes, respite care! Please! I know your mom just wants to help and that will just make things harder. Having in-home care come in is good, but if you can get her into a respite home for a few weeks, that would be the biggest help. Maybe you can have your doctor or hers explain to her that the biggest help she can be to you is to have others take care of her needs while you get better.
Good luck,
Carol

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