First off I want to say that I love my grandmother very much and we have been living together for 5 years. It hasn't always been easy but we have made it through.
Three months ago she took a turn for the worse and has become house bound. We are able to get her to her doctor appointments but that is as far as she wants to go. She has been having major trouble sleeping and was getting me up about 4 times a night t go to the bathroom. We finally got her on some sleeping meds and now I only get woken up about 2 times.
I sometimes take to sleep on the couch to make sure that she will be heard if called. Or sometimes I sleep with my head next to my husbands feet.
I'm completely stressed out by this. Getting up in the middle of the night for 30 minutes at a time is very hard on me. I have a 5 year old son that I have to get up with to take to school. My husband works late hours (usually doesn't get home till after both are kids are in bed) and I try on some nights to stay up for him. I'm burning my candle at all ends. I sometimes lay awake at night and stare at the clock thinking "as soon as I close my eyes she will need me."
And, last night my worst fears came true and she fell. Luckily she didn't get injured but I don't know what to do now.
To be honest I would like her in a NH but she REFUSES to go. Round the clock care would cost so much money (which she does have) but I feel guilty for sugesting that. She believes I am making to big a deal of this. That her falling is "no big deal".
I have days that I feel like I am barely hanging on. I stay at home to take care of her. But, I also have a 2 year old, my 5 year old (who now has homework), a house to take care of (laundry, cleaning, etc), my own bills, and my husband who works 12 hour days (he really tries to help out but its hard for me). Now I am completely in control of her life. She has no other family that can help.
I have all these balls in the air and I'm just waiting for them to come crashing down on me. I've had this back pain that radiats down to my foot that will not go away. It's been there for over a month but don't have the time or the money to do anything about it.
I guess I am just venting. Am I crazy for feeling that this is not fair to me? That she does need round the clock care? Please help.