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keepsmiling Asked October 2011

My 89-year-old mother had a stroke a year ago and still refuses to go to the doctor. Any suggestions on how to get her to go to the doctor?

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF Oct 2011
This is often a problem for people with dementia. Does your mom have some dementia symptoms? Vascular dementia comes to mind because of the stroke. However, she just may feel they can't help her.
She may be depressed which is fairly common after a stroke. This, of course, just makes it even more important for her to see a doctor. Is there some issue unrelated to her stroke you can get her in for? Once she is in the office, the doctor can take over.
You can tell her this is a favor to you because you love her - but you've likely tried that. Does she have a good friend in her generation who can help talk her into at least a checkup? I know it's tough. You aren't alone. Hopefully, others will chime in and give their solutions.
Take care,
Carol

AgingCareCM Oct 2011
Hi keepsmiling,

There is an article written by AgingCare.com Editor that was already posted in our community. We thought this might answer your caregiving question.

What Do I Do if My Parent Refuses to Go to The Doctor?
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/What-To-Do-If-Your-Aging-Parent-Refuses-To-Go-To-The-Doctor-133384.htm

We hope this helps. Please let us know if you need anything else and we look forward to seeing more questions and discussions from you.

Thank you,
Karie H.
The AgingCare.com Team

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keepsmiling Oct 2011
Hi, yes, I read that article. Unfortunately, it addresses elders who refuse to see a new doctor, but who will still see their regular doctor. My mother won't go at all. Thanks for the input.

keepsmiling Oct 2011
Hi, Carol, thank you for your input. Yes, she has dementia issues. And I've given her all sorts of reasons to go, but she just refuses. My parents have no friends of their generation left, and they don't get out at all. In fact, the last time they came to my house was Thanksgiving 2010. I think Mother is aware of and embarrassed by her deficiencies, so she just won't go out. I'm trying to think of a bribe. :)

keepsmiling Nov 2011
Just wanted to post an update. My mother received a reminder card in the mail from her ophthalmologist (she has glaucoma) for an appointment she scheduled six months ago. There was no argument as to whether or not she would go, and we successfully kept that appointment. So I called her primary care physician's office and asked if they would please schedule an appointment for her and send her a card. They did, and her appointment is scheduled for next Friday. It's on her calendar, and we're planning on going. It seems that if she gets it in writing from the doctor, then she feels obligated to go. I hope we keep the appt! Thought I'd pass this along for anyone who might encounter the same difficulty. :)

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