You wife is likely well aware that something is wrong, but she is, understandably, in denial. I'm assuming she has had a complete physical and an official diagnosis, so the doctor should be the one to tell her, with you there to support her. Then talk about options to help slow symptoms - the sooner the better. Take care, Carol
As Carol said, if she has had an official diagnosis, the doctor should be the one to tell her. Even after the doctor told my mother she denied that there was anything wrong and flushed the Aricept down the toilet. Others I've spoken with have had similar things happen with their loved one. Acceptance often comes in stages (and sometimes not at all).
Some families said that having a family meeting to discuss the diagnosis and to begin preparing (as much as possible) for the future helped. Many had the meeting WITHOUT the person present (especially if they were still in denial). For other families, having the person present helped. By hearing and knowing they would be taken care of ~ and being able to give their input and thoughts on the type of care they want ~ helped them accept the diagnosis.
Like the others have said I would have the Dr tell her, but I would be with her if I were you. She is aware that something is wrong. Reassure her and do what you can to comfort her. l would also encourage you to have a discussion about what she wants and does not want, if you have not had it before. Talk about what her wishes are as far as feeding tube and other issues like that. I do wish you well! I want to encourage you to read, there are lots of really good books available and get involved in a support group, take care of you too...
My mom finally asked her doctor, "Is there a name for my memory sickness?" He replied,"It's called dementia and there are medicines that will help you." She said, "Well, I'm not going to let it get me down!" I imagine she forgot or suppressed those words, because I had to remind her again about a year later. She didn't know she had it.
She doesn't mention the illness and we don't either, but do comfort her when she gets frustrated with her memory or speech. She's probably had it 7-8 years and is still very functional, but needs assistance in many things. She signed a living trust and DPOA while she still understood what it meant. Best of luck to you with your wife. I also encourage you to read several books on the subject, and pray a lot!
Yes, she has the right to know and prepare herself, perhaps she might have some information to share with her family before she can no longer remembers.
Something NOT to do is try to hammer it home. To what end? I'm not saying you'd do this, but my mother goes around telling my father and anyone else she can corner, how incapacitated he is. It's all about how hard life is on HER. I'm not exaggerating and it took me years before I was willing to say this but bottom line she wants him to abase himself and other people to tell her how sorry they are for her. It's so stressful it's making him worse -- effectively, she's gaslighting him. It's cruel and frankly abusive.
that is cruel... he did not do anything wrong and it is not his fault... I would really encourage you to try to get her to stop treating him that way... take care J
Dirk I'm pretty much in the same boat. He just refuses to accept it. Says the doctors are just out for the money - they're not doing him any good.. Haven't gotten in touch with any support groups yet - but think the time is coming.
It's a difficult situation, but the question is simply stated, and has a simple answer. Use English. Believe me, telling her this once will not be enough. Get used to telling her when she asks you again and again why she can't remember things. Find your peace with God's will for this person. Treat the condtition if you can, but your only options are to either tell her or conceal from her that she has Alzheimer's. It would be nice if you had a third option, but it'a a binary reality. Pick one. And gather some support for yourself. The road ahead is going to be very hard to walk. God Bless you. Good luck.
18 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Take care,
Carol
ADVERTISEMENT
Some families said that having a family meeting to discuss the diagnosis and to begin preparing (as much as possible) for the future helped. Many had the meeting WITHOUT the person present (especially if they were still in denial). For other families, having the person present helped. By hearing and knowing they would be taken care of ~ and being able to give their input and thoughts on the type of care they want ~ helped them accept the diagnosis.
Best of luck and warm hugs ~ Patti
She doesn't mention the illness and we don't either, but do comfort her when she gets frustrated with her memory or speech. She's probably had it 7-8 years and is still very functional, but needs assistance in many things. She signed a living trust and DPOA while she still understood what it meant. Best of luck to you with your wife. I also encourage you to read several books on the subject, and pray a lot!
she might have some information to share with her family before she can no longer remembers.
See All Answers