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Pandoralou Asked May 2010

How can I convince my mother that she really does need assisted living?

My mom is going to be 89 in November and for the past 2 years has developed dementia. It is to the point now where she needs to be looked after. She is in good physical health, but her short term memory is pea soup. My sister and I just petitioned the court for guardianship, which was granted, and now we are trying to get her to move to assisted living without a bloody battle. We have tried every method of persuasion, to no avail. She lives alone and thinks that absolutely nothing is wrong with her. She is walking around alone and forgetting to lock her doors, will not allow a Life Alert in the house and a host of other worrisome things. Does anyone have any ideas of how to persuade a tough old bird that this is what she needs?? I understand that most people fight the change in living arrangements, but she is to extreme, flatly refusing to consider it. Should we just pick her up and move her??? Yes, she is in danger, sometimes.

Nancy3 May 2010
Your mother and mine could be twins. I have never witnessed acting/guilt/the whole deal as stupendously demonstrated as that displayed by Mother. She should have gone on the stage.

Good luck with your mother.

Pandoralou May 2010
Yes, we are in the process of getting her into the right place. They have a short wait list and she is on it. I just dread the actual move. She is just genius at the guilt thing and tries to make us feel like we are ruining what's left of her life. Good luck with your mom.

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Nancy3 May 2010
Pandoralou, if you have guardianship, you can override your mother and make the decision for her, can you not? Yes, she'll be furious with you, but that won't be as difficult for you to deal with as the repercussions of letting her continue to have her own way which could then lead to a real tragedy. I know it's hard. I'm dealing with it here. At least you've got guardianship. I'm in the process of getting power of attorney for Mother. I can't afford to pursue guardianship. If she's in danger, you musn't leave her where she is. Just do it. You can deal with the fallout later.

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