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Alonso Asked January 2010

What can I do about my grandmother accusing two family members of stealing?

My grandmother is causing my family great concern. She has accussed 2 different family members of stealing. She is missing items from her home. We have found some or they have reappeared. Is this a sign of dementia. I do want to note that for the most part her memory seems ok.

NancyH Jan 2010
With my m-i-l she was starting to fall in her house and couldn't remember doing it. We would find bumps on her head, and know that she had fallen. Also she was REALLY lonely living alone in that small, dark, dirty house. BUT she said she wasn't lonely, because she had all of us. What she meant was, we were at her command, and if we weren't, there was heck to pay (in a passive aggressive way) that is. Then she could no longer take her pills by herself, even though we had them set up into organizers by the week. She just couldn't feel with her fingertips, those little tiny pills. She has macular degeneration so she is legally blind.
So I guess it depends on your grandma. You say she has a pretty good memory, so I don't know how to answer your question. If she still has her wits about her, why is it no one in the family can talk to her about the hurt feelings? At one point I did talk to my m-i-l about such things, and she understood and made corrections. But now, there is no logic and she can't remember 5 minutes at a time. I think I'd have her doctor do an evaluation on her. Tell him/her what your concerns are, and see what they say. And your family putting a stop to her driving, makes me sleep a little better tonight. :)

Alonso Jan 2010
Thank you for your story. It is the same as her. My issue is she lives at her home by herself. She still has a car and uses it. The family has come up with the idea to fix it so she cant use it. I think it is time she goes to a living center, where she can be better monitored. What are your thoughts or suggestions? We do have a good family that is close to her. However, she has hurt some feelings and others do not seem want to deal with it.

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NancyH Jan 2010
Yes it is a sign of dementia. My mother-in-law has been accusing the staff of the asst. living place of stealing since she moved in there. I have found everything she says they have stolen. The problem is, she is hiding stuff cause she's just sure they're stealing. Then she can't remember hiding the stuff, and doesn't believe us when we tell her she hid it. It's a no win situation, and there is NO logic telling her otherwise. On the days where she has clarity (few and far in between) she admits she DOES hide things cause she's sure they're stealing. As soon as we saw what was going on, we told the staff. They have made a rule now that no one is to be in her room unless she's there. I told them that it unnerved her when she came back from walking, and found someone doing her dishes etc. So they were more than willing to accommodate us. As long as you can find the things that your grandma says is stolen, then don't fret about it. It is what it is.

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