I'm ok and not worried now, but I bet I'm not the only one who has been abused by the dementia and abused by the 'friends' of the patient.
One of my mom's friends called last week and said in a very accusatory tone: I'm confused. your mother always did the right thing healthwise and took very good care of herself. How could she get dementia? I said, you're kidding, right? I explained that my mother's mother had it, and about 4 of my uncles had it. Part way through the explanation I realized what was going on and that i was being accused.
I have been accused of everything and the topic of vicious gossip in my Mom's little town. After 5+ years I have moved my little family back to MY hometown, Los Angeles, and our life is so much better now.
this same idiot individual also told me that 'everybody' is saying that I don't want my mom to talk to anyone. That's tough to hear because of all the unreturned phone calls that I have made to her 'friends' leaving messages for them to call or visit (when we were still in NJ). No one wanted to call or visit, just gripe about me and say things like: she's just here to take all of her mom's $ and blah blah blah.
I could have used some friends big time in the beginning of this fight but there were none. Just idiot enablers. Case in point: mom got into a massive car wreck (no one hurt except my poor mom) and I successfully got mom to realize that she couldn't drive anymore. She was 84 at the time and displaying demented behavior. 2 of her friends worked behind my back to get mom her driver's license again. They couldn't see that she was sick and their motivation was getting one over on me. They had no concept of mom hurting herself or worse, someone else. they just wanted to interfere.
these same idiots helped my demented mom hide assets so when I ran out of my own money caring for mom, I had so much stress finding the resources to continue caring for mom and her falling down real estate in need of massive repair.
These people are still morons who don't understand that mom has dementia. they think that I'm making it up. In the rare instance that they do get on the phone with her, they try to get her upset by trashing me because for so long I was the favorite topic on conversation. So yes, it really is better that she doesn't speak to her friends even though I have always put a call through if it comes.
Not one of these people has ever helped but always hindered. Not one person has ever said to me, I understand and how about if I sit with mom while you go to the store or whatever.
I have lost count of the times I have been accused, lied about....
here's one: the daughter of one of these idiots told me: I know that you tried to take your mother's money and the cops had to straighten you out.
What? These particular people still have stock certificates that belong to my mom and I have asked for them 3 times. They say that they can't find them. Mom told me in a moment of lucidity a couple of years ago that she remembered giving them the certs 'for safekeeping' not to keep forever. I guess I have to get a letter from an attorney..... these people don't understand that that money belongs to mom and not them. We all know how expensive this journey is and to be hindered by this kind of insanity is insane in and of itself.
I truly hate ignorant people.
Things are better here in sunny CA. Now my friends are saying, Yo bob! I'll hang out with your mom and the tv while you go out for an afternoon.
Now Mom likes my friends better than she likes her idiot friends anyway. My friends don't do vicious gossip and have extremely interesting lives so they always have something interesting to talk about instead of spreading lies about other people.
I am curious if anyone else out there has ever experienced such toxic interference. It was devastating at the time and cost my mom and me a lot of money, time and energy as well as almost killing my mom and who knows who else by putting her behind the wheel of a car after her car wreck.
If this happened to anyone else how did you deal with it?
I am obviously still hurt by it and amazed that people could be so stupid.
Thanks for the opportunity to vent.