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bubbafan67 Asked October 2009

My FIL is temporarily in a nursing home but wants to return to his own home. He is 79, stubborn and strong willed. How do we convince him to stay in the nursing home?

with basic repairs. There are bats in the roof, leaks, mold, poor plumbing and electric. He was admitted after lossing weight - not cooking or cleaning himself or taking his meds. My husband feels he cannot deny him coming home, but I feel it is so unsafe for him to be in an unhealthy and unsafe environment.

momneedshelp Nov 2009
I believe that his Dr. can help you out. I would talk to him and tell him your concerns and his inability to care for himself and to be alone. He would be a danger to himself, so I would think he would be on your side and would write those orders.

bubbafan67 Oct 2009
Thanks you both for your replies. We are so lucky that he is in a facility that is clean, responsible and ...all around fantastic right now. We do not have the room to take him in nor the finances to hire someone to to care for him here even if we did. We stilll have young children at home. He does not have Alzheimers or dementia - so my husband believes that he cannot legally go against his wanting to come home. It is such a terrible situation to be in knowing that if he comes home, he will fall or deteriate health wise all over again. Then who knows what kind of facility he will end up in. I so wish he would listen to his son and know that he's tryng to take good care of him.

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kathyjohnson Oct 2009
It does not seem that his house is very safe. You are smart in advising him not to move back there. Can you take your FIL in your house? You could hire live-in care so that you and your husband are not burdened but your FIL will feel comfortable.

Good luck!

ourlongfamily Oct 2009
We have just faced this with my FIL. He finally ended up in a nursing home after conditions got so poor in the house and he caused a traffic accident on purpose. H&HS stepped in and admitted him to hospital. The doctors then said he could no longer return home.

My husband just cleaned out his house last week and admitted that we should have put him in a nursing home long before we did.

As much as you (and your husband) don't want to see his freedom taken away. It is for his safety and the safety of others. It also gives him a little discretion in helping pick out a place.

Good luck.

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