I posted back in September how my grandma was having trouble with her memory and other health problems, turns out she had bacteria in her blood and she went into the hospital and came out fine. My grandma is the strongest woman that I know and I’m super afraid of losing her. It just started to hit me a few days ago and I can’t stop thinking about living my life without my grandmother who took me in after my mother’s death. I know that we all have to die at some point, but being around her makes it all the more rough. I hope that this post makes sense.

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Your grandmother has been more a mother to you. I don't know how old you are, but I think until well into late twenties no one feels ready to lose what is their strength and their touchstone. When my daughter was in her early 20s I got cancer and I remember how devastated she was. She was out on her own and independent, but not ready to have a place that was home, that place to go to if the world fell apart. She is 59 now. Needless to say, she is ready, and accepts that a 79 year old Mom WILL be leaving her soon. And is ready to carry on with her own life. I think your feelings are normal. It is good that you think about this, because it does set in your mind what "could" happen. But try not to FOCUS on it overmuch. The best place for our minds is what mindfulness teaches, right here in the moment. Thinking ahead to what cannot be guessed at just makes us die the coward's many deaths (Hamlet). It is difficult, actually, I can tell you, to really imagine the reality of losing someone you cannot imagine being without. My brother died last year. He was Hansel to my Gretel in every dark forest of life, the one ALWAYS there for me, who, if he had a penny then I did as well. He was my rock. I couldn't imagine life without him. Yet, he had to leave at the happy old age of 85. And honestly, I feel he isn't gone from me. I can't see him. I can't touch him. I can't go to Billy Reed's for Fish and Chips and a Marguerita with him. But I can feel his strength with me. And I try to see the world for him still. Same goes for the wonderful parents I lost many years ago.
I wish you the best.
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RomAnders330 Mar 2021
Thank you so much. On top of everything, I feel that I’m starting to lose her mentally as her memory has been pretty shaky these last few days. I always try to make an excuse about it (maybe she is just tired today) or anything that will make me feel better, but it’s hard to see her getting into this state.
I, too was blessed with 2 grandmothers who loved me unconditionally and that helped shape me to be the person I am much more than my relationship with my mother.

I think God saw the deficit and just let me have these 2 wonderful ladies for so long.

Sadly, yes, you are going to lose your grandmother. That's the way of life. The best thing you can do is appreciate and love her while you have her and then continue her kindness through your life after she passes.

My grandmas were great proponents of the 'pay it forward' concept. Yes, I was sad when they died, but a big part of my personality is due to them.
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How blessed you are to have a grandmother who would take you in after your mom died. You cannot live in the future, with the what ifs. None of us can. We must live in the here and now, and make the very most of each and every day. We are all going to die someday, and none of know the day or the time. You might die before her. Who knows? Just enjoy her today, and leave the worries of tomorrow for tomorrow.
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You are looking at the "glass is half empty" not "the glass is half full"
You will lose your Grandma. It is one of the Facts of Life that you can not get around.
Then again she may lose you. You might get hit by a drunk driver going to the store one day, you might slip on the bathroom floor.
Enjoy the time you have with her and she with you.
Talk to her, help her as much as you can.
Talk to her about what SHE wants to do, what she wants if she becomes very ill again. Does she want to stay home as long as you can care for her? or does she not want you to have to care for her? Does she want to go to the hospital or remain in her home if she is dying? And I say talk to her about her wishes but do not dwell on them.
Thank her for all she has done for you, taught you. You may lose her body but her spirit and all that she has given you mentally, emotionally, physically will always be with you.
And I am sure you have given her as much as she has given you.
We are all touched by each life that touches ours, some is good, some bad but we learn from each.
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I can relate. I get afraid at times about losing my husband. What helps me is not looking at my husband is getting worse is that I look at my husband living now and that helps a lot. You can't live in fear of your grandmother dying. You need to love her while she's here. Continue to spend time with your grandma. Tell her often how much you love her and how much she means to you, because truth be known none of us knows when our number is up. I think people just assume that because their loved one is disabled or old they'll be the first to go. So, live your life to its fullest and enjoy grandma as much as you can. God bless you!🌞
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