last Friday my FIL finally passed away! It really was a godsend for him as he has been in such pain and suffering really badly since Sept.

My Daughter (16yo) and I were away when it happened and couldn't return until 2 days later so my Hubby finally had to do things for his Dad instead of me.

He was unloading on me when we finally came back saying that this past week was so hard and his dying fathers image will be etched in his mind along with having to go to the funeral home and id the body. I told him he really should seek counseling so he can work through his feelings but he says its a waste of money. I wish he would go as his mom also has dementia and other mental issues and she is very emotional to the point I worry how she will handle the service for her Husband.

I just wish that hubby were stronger with this so I didn't have to come home to have him unload everything on me and now think its ok to just sit back and not do anything here. Ok unloaded and feeling better .

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All of what Veronica says is both true and useful, but for my part? Ooo grr! I really feel for you. He's had a rough week, has he? - and the last six months have been a picnic for you, of course…

The poor dear.

Right, having got that off my chest: again, Veronica is wise and patient. And Cher you have done the right thing by coming here, metaphorically rolling your eyes, and then getting back to helping your husband deal with his loss and look ahead on his mother's behalf. More power to you.

Cher Men and women have different ways of dealing with loss. Your husband was able to deal with his feelings by passing them on to you. It's a pity that had to happen but it did. he probably feels fine now but may not do well when he realizes the finality of the funeral.
As far as not doing anything about the home, again a male characteristic, they either don't see what needs to be done or pretend they don't especially if you constantly pick up behind him. You need to ask him to do specific tasks.If he refuses or deliberately does a bad job think abour passive agressive behaviour. I once asked my husband to bring another log for the fire. Oh yes he did bring up a piece of wood the tiniest stick he could find from the pile. Of course it would be good for your husband to get therapy but he is not interested at this time. Would you consider seeing a therapist yourself You would be given advice on dealing with your husband. Keep comming back others have similar experiences and will be very helpful

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