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Chergal Posted June 2022

Update on my Dad.

About a month ago, I had put a question out there about my dad. They found out he has aneurysms in both legs. With all his other health issues I had to make a decision about surgery or pain management. I received a lot of good answers and support. Well since then, I made the decision not to put my dad through the surgery because it is just as dangerous for him to have surgery as it is to do nothing. Plus nothing they do will improve his quality of life. Surgery would actually make it worse. So in the last 3 weeks, he has had 2 strokes. The nursing home staff discussed with me pallative care which can be done right in the home. Moving him would confuse him even more than he already is. So that is what we are doing. Pallative care within the nursing home he is already in. I want to thank all of you for the support that you have given me so far. I have also been reading other people's posts and although I do not always have an answer, I feel your pain. But sometimes I see questions posted that are very similar to my situation.

golden23 Jun 2022
((((((((hugs))))))) at this difficult time.

Tynagh Jun 2022
May you and your dad rest knowing you've made the best decision for him. It's always so difficult. Take care of yourself.

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GardenArtist Jun 2022
Chergal, thanks for returning with an update.

I think you've made a wise decision.    I took a somewhat similar road after my father declined to the point that he couldn't perform PT.    I knew that was coming, but I was impressed at how thoughtful and professionally the staff at the rehab facility he was in handled the situation.

We discussed and agreed to palliative care within the rehab section, as he wasn't at the hospice care stage yet and the facility could easily provide a higher level of care right where he was. We agreed that there was no need to move him from rehab to a palliative care unit, so he remained in the rehab section until he passed about a month later.

I was so impressed that their concern was more for his convenience and stability (moving him to another section for hospice care wasn't considered to be a good idea since the care could still be properly provided in the rehab unit and the move might have been unsettling). 

There certainly was no compromise in care.   Toward the end, the nurse supervisor brought a tray with a full pot of coffee, another with water, and a "goodie" tray of munchies for me as I spent the day with Dad.    One of the religious staff came down and sat with Dad for some time, just being there and holding his hand.  The DON brought her dog in to visit Dad when the dog was in the facility to perform his own version of comfort.

I've never experienced such compassionate service, especially the consideration of providing palliative care w/o having to move to another unit in the complex.

It's a testament to the facility and its staff that their thoughts were first for the needs of my father, and that those needs could be provided right where he was when he entered for PT.

Chergal, I'm glad that you've found a facility which provides support as well as compassion, and within the existing facility and w/o the potential side effects of being moved.

AlvaDeer Jun 2022
Thanks for your update. What a dire situation. Is there any thought that Hospice care might give you even more support?
Hoping for the best for you all.

Grandma1954 Jun 2022
Chergal, thank you for the update.
I do hope that Palliative Care will keep him comfortable. (if not I do home that the Palliative Care Team will advise that Hospice might be better for him.)
You made a tough decision. I had always said that when I made a decision for my Husband that I want the Head not the Heart making the tough choices.
((hugs)) to both of you. 🙏

lealonnie1 Jun 2022
I'm glad you gave us this update, and sorry for the situation you're both in with the strokes Chergal. Oftentimes, in these situations, we're forced to choose the lesser of the evils knowing each have potential consequences. Truly a Catch-22. Please be sure to bring hospice on board if dad becomes uncomfortable, or if palliative care isn't able to meet his needs. Hospice was wonderful with my mother and made her transition painless this past February.

Sending you a hug and a prayer for strength and guidance as you go through this difficult journey with your father.

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