I had 2 grandmothers living in September 2019: by October 7 both had passed.
The one out west lived to 104, playing bridge, drinking sherry, taking her meals in the nice dining hall in her AL, then one day had a stroke, went into palliative care and passed 7 days later. Her advance medical directives were followed and no heroic measures were taken. I had the chance to fly out to see her in her last week and she was able to rouse briefly to notice that I was there, and actually listen and nod along to a few things I said to her. She seemed happy and at peace.
The one nearby lived to 94. Her last 15 years were a slow decline of falls, money mismanagement, death of her son, increasing inability to cope, ER visits, social isolation (aside from family visits). 3 years ago she had a big stroke, but had no advance medical directives and she was pulled back to life by her doctors, and then kept in a purgatory of near paralysis, sickening bedsores, screaming ward neighbors, being left in a soiled diaper for 24+ hours on multiple occasions, sitting in her chair or lying in her bed with a foreign language TV blaring garbage at her all day long. She had a very sweet 7 day caregiver that she got attached to, and my dad went daily with little treats like ice cream and strawberries, and the rest of us went fairly regularly, and on nice days she got to go out in the wheelchair with the caregiver. Those were the bright spots in a fairly bleak existence. She finally, FINALLY, passed away in early October.
I was thinking a lot about my local grandma last night while baking an apple pie: all my life, nearly 40 years, we would go for weekly sunday night supper at her house, and every time there would be a fresh apple pie, or an orange cake, or some kind of homemade treat that she would prepare lovingly in preparation for our visit. Without fail, she did these things for us out of love. I suddenly missed her so much and wish I could have her back again, the way she was. I wish I could go back to her house and find it all the way it was, and her sitting in the back room reading and having her afternoon glass of sherry.
We don't have enough time on earth with those we love. I still wish she had been allowed to pass away peacefully after her stroke, but still I wish I had more time with her. It's a contradiction, what can I say. It's the sort of thing that makes me, raised a Catholic but basically an atheist at this point, wish I could believe there really is a Heaven where she'll be and I can see her again, whole and happy. And that she'd be there now, reunited with her son.
Love to you all,
I am grateful for my belief that there is a life after this one and they still exist, in spirit form.
They were the ones who loved me through childhood, always kind and sweet. My own mother was just not capable of 'mothering' us, so we NEEDED these ladies.
And all my kids were blessed to have had the GG's in their lives too. I have often felt that I had 3 people who loved me unconditionally: My dad, my grandmas.
And that was enough. I only hope I leave a legacy 1/10th as wonderful as my grandmas did. I'm trying!
((Hugs))
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