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qmnpxl Posted October 2019

There Seems to be Differing Opinions About Hospice; Here’s my Experience

Hospice prolonged my wife’s life for at least 3-4 weeks. The admitting nurse solved a problem that 2 docs and 3 nurses failed to figure. She spent close to 8 straight hours on my wife. I was able to help and spent 2-3 hours at that. We knew she was close to the end. That effort prolonged her life about a month and made it comfortable. No Medicaid.


That last month gave us all the chance to visit, say goodbye and “take care of business.” Grand daughter flew across country (DC to CA + 300 mile loop) and was with her when she died. Daughter drove 300 miles round trip 3 times a week and was with her when she died. Number 2 son cross 3/4 country and 300 mile loop. I visited every day [16 mile loop :-)]. Her favorite Hymns were played, she heard them, was alert and obviously enjoyed them with 2 grand children daughter and son-in-law. Daughter climbed up on the bed, lay down and held her mom. I gathered her into my arms and said my good bye. I rubbed her itching feet one day - oh she liked that just like old times. The church Pastor visited twice at least which was very important to our daughter. His Vicar played a guitar and they also sang those Hymns to her. Wife's Doc visited twice for sure maybe 3 times. Lady Doc - no charge.


The hospice nurse was super. The bath nurse was super. All the caregivers were super clock around - I got to know most of them. They had all worked there several years - one for 16. That tells you something. One was the MIL of our neighbors brother. The neighbor went to high school with the AL home owner who is good friends with one of our nephews. He was over to our house twice to help things along before I placed her . After death Hospice offered me 13 months of counseling which I declined.


I was with her till 5 hours before she died and didn’t want to see her again so my last memory of her would be and was of her still alive.


That’s what Hospice and the AL home did for us.

aworker Oct 2019
That was far from my experience, someone that I will call the patient, she was in NO way dying. she was only 63. She had been sick for about a week, they would not even let her see a doctor and refused to get her medical treatment until it was to late. She had a uti that spread to her kidneys then through her whole body. They and her husband would not allow any one to take her to the doctor. then she finally got to the hospital, then she was taken to another hospital. The doctors there were going try to safe her but her husband said no, so hospice gave her morphine and now she is dead. She was Not dying and she wanted everything done to save her. She could talk, she could feed herself, the only thing was she was in a wheel chair and had a catheter .
the hospice doctor never seen her as a patent.
Her husband put her in hospice against her will, everyone know she was Not dying but no hospice nurse would help her. Matter of fact, the day before she finally got to the hospital, the hospice nurse asked her husband, do you want me just to give her morphine? She kept telling them that she still wanted medical treatment.

AnnReid Oct 2019
I’m grateful for your post, qmnpxl. I’ve felt guilty ever since I left my mom one night, knowing also that I wouldn’t see her again while here.

My father, who’d passed about 25 years before, had come to her room at about 4;30 the last afternoon I was there. I’ll swear he was there, fresh showered with Lifebuoy Soap. In his brown tweed suit, and take her hand so that I could go home.

The hospice team had her bathed and dressed when I got there that last afternoon, and for the first time in weeks, her skin was soft and warm, and she looked peaceful and relaxed.

Their efforts that February day were priceless. I’ll never forget......

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dontgetthechees Oct 2019
Only had my mother on hospice for a few days but glad I did it. They were great!

Karsten Oct 2019
As in all things, I found within hospice there were people better than others Overall hospice was a good thing to do. When the palliative nurse at the hospital brought it up for my dad I was defensive and rejected the idea. But in hindsight should have done it when she suggested it.

The first hospice people were good, but didn't bring to our attention an option a hospice SW who took over later did. That my dad, being a veteran on hospice, could stay at a SNF with VA contracts for free. Had we known this before my family would have saved many thousands of dollars.

GardenArtist Oct 2019
Mine was very positive as well.   I especially appreciated the administrative staff's intervention when a certain "guest" meddled in my father's care, notwithstanding the fact that this meddler had no medical experience and caused distress for my father.  She was also rude to a guest who was in fact desired, and offered good and appropriate company for my father. 

And another meddler made inappropriate remarks about my sibling.  The good guest told me later about the meddling, as I had already left.

The staff agreed that the care meddling was intolerable, and after more discussion agreed that it would be appropriate to tell these undesirables that visiting was restricted from here on in b/c my father was close to dying.  The meddlers ignored the restriction and came anyway, as I learned later.  

One of the positive aspects was the willingness of the religious staff (this was a religious hospice) to spend time with Dad, find a good station on the tv with soothing music, and to spend time comforting him.   
  
One of the medical staff brought me a pot of coffee, water, and munchies as Dad got closer to the end, and I spent more time with him.

The experience overall was as positive as a negative event can be, and I was certainly glad I chose that facility, even though we had never been there before.

The DON even came in to help me pack up my father's belongings.

GMNPXL, I appreciate your sharing your positive experiences.   Periodically those who don't completely understand the hospice purpose and process post very detrimental and negative posts, so it's good to learn that someone had a positive experience in a very challenging and depressing aspect of life.

AlvaDeer Oct 2019
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am thankful they were so good for you.

BarbBrooklyn Oct 2019
My experience with Hospice for my mom was similarly good, although we only had the service for a few days. Mom was already actively dying when admitted into hospice.

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