After reading all these comments about needy mothers, it seems that everyone has one. Why is this such an epidemic with older women?

liza9579, part of it depends on if the woman had always lived at home where her job was that of being a housewife, which is a very important job, but it doesn't help give some women a sense of being independent. Thus, any time my Dad was in the hospital, my Mom didn't like staying home alone which really surprised me as she came from a family of very strong willed women.

My Mom [born in the early 1900's] lived with her parents until she got married That was the same in my generation [1950's-1960's], too, even for sons. Thus, my Mom never learned to live on her own.

The same came be said about some men of the older generation, they lived at home until they got married and their Mom would do everything for them.... then they got married, and the wife did everything for them. Once widowed, they were lost around the house. I know my Dad, who was an inventor, couldn't invent himself a sandwich :P

Part of it is that the people who sail through caregiving without difficulties are not searching the internet for answers so they don't find this site, and if they do they are not posting about their angst but about practical difficulties like urine odours and diaper rash.
Another part is that dementia and physical frailty turn even the strongest most independent men and women into needy narcissists. Just as with a newborn infant, the survival instinct demands attention without regard for the caregiver.