My parents both have narcissism disorder, is it possible to have them declared incompitent to even determine who should handle their money?

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Parents have abused me my entire life, the school systems and police that I encountered failed me. First officer I ever encountered, whom I called on my mom hitting me for no reason, when I was about 14, yelled me down and berated me in her hearing, and said, "You never call the police on your mom!" then left with his partner at his side. CPS failed me repeatedly, in fact the first 18 yr old social worker I encountered, Michelle Dorr, judged me in 45 minutes during a school break and told my mom the next night, "I don't believe a word he's saying." It was one tragedy after another like that for me, leading to many times in which I almost died from neglect and being kicked out and suicide. I almost died 18 times.

My mom also divorced my dad after not being able to tolerate him complaining about her bad spending habits and driving him into debt. She got him to give her his house and the mercedes he gave as a gift to her (but he reneged in an argument with her when she wanted to divorce) in exchange for taking declaring bankruptcy so that my dad wouldn't have to (something like that). They got back together because, I can guess, no one could stand them, lookswise or attitude wise.

I have one year left to press a child abuse case against them, but having no money just about, due to them wrecking my life repeatedly (which led to me having bad neighbors and police and judge encounters to no end, not literally but that's the trend it looks like), cannot get a lawyer to help me help, not even free help help or help in exchange for a cut of my possible win.

However, supposing I finally can get a lawyer to help me, I want to be able to speed things up by being able to show him or her, somehow, that narcissism is a legitimate state of not being "of sound mind".

Given what I've already said, plus emails that show my dad in a narcissistic light, and a void of any communication with me from my mom, showing no concern for me, or my brother (whom she 100% favored and brainwashed into thinking I was the bad guy and they the good parents and he the perfect son) and supposing I can recover the proof of a damaged hard drive it's on (audio and video recordings of my dad's unstable emotional state, bad temper, irrational and cold statements from my parents to me, half-admissions of abuse, neglecting parrots they have at the moment, and in one instance yelling at his prized parrot for merely talking to him, and as if it could understand him), do you think that a judge would accept a psychologist or two declaring from at least my testimony, my dad's bad financial decisions to keep buying expensive things and allowing my mom to do so despite repeatedly complaining about going into debt, leading to a divorce and bankruptcy, only for them to get back together again and repeat their spending sprees, (my dad has two mansions and can't get rid of one, and refuses to let me live in it or rent it), and my dad's narcissistic emails, which endlessly say he's going broke and can't help me with even small things, and then him finally getting me small things, and a refusal to help me get food stamps leading to him having the power to help me with food or not and spending $100-300 on me a month (while complaining about having to help me, it's a method of him keeping me dependent on him, and I'm disabled which makes it harder to break free from his help, though he doesn't care about that, so that he can remain the center of my attention and make me feel guilty for disagreeing with him about anything, etc.), and complete absence of any communication from my mom or brother, as damning evidence enough that it would show he is not financially competent?

Another point I could mention to the judge is that he suffered a $200,000+ loss in the stock market in the 80's, even sat the family down to apologize about it, and at my mom's whim would repeatedly move (contributing to me having no long term friends, none), and then pouring money into the stock market again, as a sign of irrational behavior concerning the management of his money?

I keep thinking that this angle of "attack" might not work, because my dad gets plenty of money apparently from his former job, like severance pay or something, seems to be doing well in his oil investment, so well that he's been holding on to this $700,000+ mansion for 3 years now, while whining about it costing him $5000 a month, and acting like that's the cause of him going broke. When I finally called him on his endless years of "I'm going broke so don't ask me for anything" line, he gave me a new line, "I'm close to broke". I can't remember if that was by email or not.

He also gave a bizarre excuse for not renting the spare mansion, yelling, "They'll scratch the kitchen counters and steal the fixtures!"

I was told I can only get POA if they give it. Even if criminally demented? So what about suing? Problem is tho, they abused me in my teen years in VA, and the child abuse statute of limitation is days away :(

Answers 1 to 9 of 9
Oh, I just found out that them neglecting me leading to life threatening harm is a felony in VA, and that there is no limitation on it. However, no lawyer will help me without upfront money it seems. So, can I have them declared incompetent to the point where all they own is turned over to me? I'm not trying to make them homeless, but rather keep them from giving their money to those who don't deserve it, and so that I get something in exchange for my life, which they have drained all the best years out of, and please, don't say those weren't my best, they were. I am in major chronic pain now, nonstop, except for right before I fall asleep and while sleeping, usually.
If you are trying to protect your parents from others, a child abuse case is not the way to go. I would call Adult Proctective Services. Have them come to your parents home to evaluate their competence. If they believe your parents cannot live alone or need someone to governor over their best interest they will tell you. Since you can't afford and attorney, have the court appoint a state guardian. I see no other avenue for you to follow since you can't afford the expenses. This will give you peace of mind knowing your parents are being taken care of.
Top Answer
I don't think pursuing incompetency declaration is going to help you. 1) They do not sound like they meet the legal definition of incompetent and 2) if they were incompetent you would not necessarily be made their guardian -- a court could appoint a qualified professional to manage their affairs and 3) if you were appointed their guardian you would be legally obligated to act in their best interests and could not simply take their money or property for your own use.
"could not simply take their money or property for your own use." I didn't say I would jeanne, given all I just said shouldn't you have been way, way careful with what you said to and about me? What a slip. I'm amazed you put those words in my mouth.
The state I am currently in is one of the states that is draining the life out of me using harassment sharynmarie, I wouldn't trust them with watching over a literal penny.
chosenbygrace -- I understand your pain. I had a neglectful mother who was narcissistic, as well, an absent father, and a brother who was and is just as bad as my mother was. What I will say, being disabled myself, and in chronic pain, is that you may have to let go of your anger and your family to find yourself in a mentally and physically healthier place than you are now. I don't think taking your parents to court is going to help you, and that's what you want, isn't it? To help yourself feel better, happier, more in control of your own life?

Perhaps you should see a councilor to help work through the anger issues before you decide to do anything. I will say that nothing will fill that void in your life unless you get a handle on your own emotions. Living forward instead of backward has helped me find a place I belong, where I am loved and love others, and what happened in the past is regrettable, but has no place in my present.

Good luck, and I wish you well.
I am rather baffled by this. If you are a year away the time limit for suing for abuse, you must be very young. How old are your parents? Are you providing care for them? I am trying to understand why they need someone to handle their money for them if they are young and not ill. Please tell us a little more about their physical problems and why you are their caregiver. I got lost somewhere.
If I am reading your post correctly, you are looking for compensation due to childhood abuse. Your parents would first have to be convicted of the crime and found guilty. Then you can file a civil lawsuit for pain and suffering, but there is no guarantee you will win. This can become a long drag out event that can takes years. Do you really want to go all through this and maybe end up with nothing? You say you are somewhat dependent financially on your father. You start initiating legal proceedings against him you probably will see that meager support end. I wish you luck in whatever you decide.
I think you should let it go. If you are serious about filing for abuse, be aware that the outcome may not be as good as you hope. Dragging them thru this humiliation (which is how they'll see it) will likely cut you out of any financial gain from them in the end. You could sue; but most will go to the lawyers and they will likely dig up a lot of dirt on you (true or untrue) that will be under court consideration.

Move forward, get counseling. If you truly believe they are not living healthily and you have proof they are not able to handle their own finances (unpaid bills, taxes, bad checks, etc.); then you can call in Adult Protective Services to investigate. THey will visit and evaluate the home and circumstances. BUT BE FORWARNED, doing so takes it out of your hands. From there, there will be independent doctor consultations, mental health evaluations and then it will go before the court. You will have to have your own lawyer if you want conservatorship and/or guardianship. Then there will be lots of ongoing tedious meticulous paperwork you will have to keep and file annually with the court proving how you manage their finances for them. You can't necessarily move them out of their house, you may first have to exhaust in-home care which can be very expensive $7000-14,000/month! -- Parent is better off in AL but you can't force them out of their home and into care facility if they can demonstrate means to pay for in-home care at least temporarily.

So please, give it some thought. Set boundaries and move on with your life -- you've obviously had it hard and didn't deserve the upbringing you had; but sometimes you just have to mourn that loss, decide how you want your life to go and move on -- even if that means emotionally and physically leaving your parents behind. Take care of you first. You have a whole life ahead -- make it what you want. That will be your ultimate revenge. Best of luck.

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