Not sure what to do

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This is what happened last night.. I moved 1000 miles and gave up a good paying job to care for my 90 father and 80 yr mother. I live in their home and they pay me 500 a month. (Very hard to live on) we applied to va benefits to help my financial situation for caring for them.. I was told by my mother I would not get the 500 and that too which is fine.. She then stated what ever we get you may get half a month.. And the fight begins.. I am just so sad and not sure what to do at this point.. I can not convey to them that 500 is really nothing, I have no other job or health benefits.. Other siblings are scattered thru the US. Not sure where to go


So, when you gave up your job to move in with your parents, what was your long term plan? Did you get a caregiver agreement in writing? Do your parents have dementia?

Call your local Area Agency on Aging to get them a professional "needs assessment" to find out what they need and how they can access monies to pay for that care. THEIR resources, not yours pay for their care.

YOU need to make a plan to get a job outside their home and get back on your feet, financially and mentally.
Get back into the workforce as soon as possible and, while you're looking for a job, get a grip on your parents' financial situation. You need a plan to hire professional help for them and you can manage that care. Get durable power of attorney - financial and medical - for each of your parents.
Other posters have written about similar situations, suggesting to me that parents can change their minds once an adult child is in the home to provide care. The dynamics change for everyone.

You've been given good advice. Caring for 2 elderly people, while you're financially limited and literally home bound (as you may become as their needs increase) can become depressing (and I sense that you already are on that road).

Take some time out, away from the home, and develop your plan. If you stay there, explore resources for their care while you work. If you return to your former home, also line up care for them so they don't perceive that they're being abandoned.

YOU don't have to provide the care yourself; you can make arrangements for others to do it. Be prepared for a challenging search though.

And don't blame yourself; your intentions were good. No one really knows how these kinds of situations will work out and you had no way of perceiving that this would so difficult.

And check out assistance through the VA for caregivers:

I just skimmed this site, but it seems that the VA assists in providing health care for caregivers w/o health care insurance.

Good luck.
Great advice all.. I appreciate the feed back.. I've gone thru many things in my life an this by far has bushed me to the limit.. I sat with my parents and my dad wanted my budget to see what I spend money on.. Hello, I'm daum near 60 and my personal info. Got very heated and said there isn't a person that could live on this money.. Of course room and board came into the equation.. So I said.. I need to take care of myself 1st.. And told them I am ready to crack.. So the discussion has started I n what I need money wise but I don't seeing it going much farther.. I was told tonight (crying) /if I get a full time job I can't live here wow.. Thank to all that commented
Your dad had already reverted back into the parent/child dynamic since you were coming into their house to live. This is not unusual, but one of the changes in dynamics that we don't expect. Get a full time job and move out instead of letting them treat you like a little child.
So sorry this has come to such a screeching halt, but perhaps it's best as you know now what would be ahead. To demand that you move out if you get a job is unreasonable. CMagnum summed it up - the parent/child dynamic has been resurrected.

You might have to move fairly quickly; is there any way you can return to where you were before you moved? Any way to get that job back?

If you do stay near your parents, you can probably anticipate that the demands and hostility will continue unless you give in to them.

It's unfortunate that the situation has declined so quickly. But you have to look to yourself and your own needs b/c the demands your father is making are unrealistic.
I reiterate my previous advice to get out and get back into the work force.

But just for fun, give them the number of some caregiving agencies and have them call around to find out what in home care costs. Where I live, it's about $25 per hour, with a 4 hour minimum. See if mom and dad can do the math of having someone with them for 4 hours a day costing $100., times 30 days in each month.

HMMM, 4 hours a day of care will cost them $3000 a month. You are charging them $500. Hmmmm.
Fortunately my brother has my back.. If I need to go he will back me.. Its just so hard being almost 60 and starting over yet again.. Thank you all for letting me vent.. And the great feedback.. I surely felt alone thru all this much love
I echo BarbBrooklyn's suggestion to give them the numbers of caregiving agencies to see what they cost. You are being taken advantage of that, and I know you realize that.

You don't have to put up with this.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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