My Dad is close to the end of his batal with ALZ and I can't stop worrying what my life will be like when he is gone?

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As others have said, your life has been consumed with your caregiving. Finding a new normal will be a long process but you can do it. While everyone is different, there are some suggestions in this article that may help. Blessings,
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When my kids always ask me "what will I do when you die?" Here is what I say
and this goes to you too.

I taught you everything I know, you know what I'd say and do. When you don't know what to do, and need me, just think, and you will know what I would say.
Helpful Answer (12)

You will take what you have learned.
You will take the satisfaction that he lived a full life
You will take the the lessons he has taught you all throughout his life
You will take the joy that caring for him has given well as the heart ache, the aggravation and frustration and you will move on.
You will pass on what you have learned. Whenever you talk to someone or see someone in the store that is dealing with the same frustration you dealt with you can offer a kind word, maybe offer a suggestion that worked for you.

It is trite to say.."he is in a better place".."he is at peace"..."he is not suffering anymore"..From experience my husband was in a better place (he was at home)..he was at peace (he had the best care, no frustration)..he did not suffer (he was in no pain)
It would have been selfish of me to want him to remain the way he was. He was no longer the vibrant person I met 35 years ago. Even if they came out with a cure for dementia before he died I would not have wanted the cure...unless the damage to his brain could be reversed.
So know that you did the best you could and do what he would want you to do and lead a good fulfilling life. And remember to do all the things that you want to do while you can.
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Deb, I see that you have been carrying for your Dad since 2012, so your life has been consumed with his care.

Do you have any siblings, children, cousins, aunts/uncles? If family is too far away, then have your primary doctor recommend a talk therapist. I found one who is close to my age who had also taken care of an aging parent, so when she says "I know what you are going through", she really does :)

My Dad, who was my rock, who had a great sense of humor even up to the day before he passed [which was sudden] I miss that so much.... even though I am very independent and working. It's only been 3 months.

Maybe to fill your time, in your Dad's honor, do some volunteer work. Hospitals are always looking for volunteers, if you don't mind being in hospitals [some people don't, that's ok].... or volunteer somewhere where you have a keen interest. It is such a feel good thing.

You will do fine, just give it time. Maybe look for a support group where you can give advice on what worked for you when you were caring for Dad. Kinda like this forum.
Helpful Answer (11)

I think everyone is different, My father died suddenly, but he was in extreme pain. He even told us he wished he would die. No, we did not want him to go, but we knew he would not suffer any longer. On the other hand, when my mother died, that was hard, but she had taught us how to take care of ourselves.
Dying is just a part of life, that is very hard for some people to accept. The day I (literally) carried my mother to my sister SUV and we took her to the hospital, I told my sister, "she will never come home." She was skin and bones. Those were the hardest days, dying was much easier because we knew she wasn't suffering. The 5 days she laid in the hospice were the most horrifying day of our lives. Of course, I cried, but I got over it quickly. I am not a hard man, in fact, I am pretty soft hearted. I am a realist, I know we will all die, that is a fact.
Remember the good times.
We just went through this with my wife's father, he was 93, suffering from blindness, deaf, and could hardly walk. He to was in pain. He was ready to go. We must accept their wishes,
The hardest deaths are the young people who die way before their time. I never want to outlive a daughter or grandchildren. A quote from a famous person once said: "When we die we do not know we have died, the pain is only felt by others"
Helpful Answer (8)

Debstl, When my dad first went on hospice, I too became very scared. Dad's still here, but as most of us know, each moment with Alzheimer's is unknown territory, you don't know what you will have one minute to the next. I still go through waves of anxiety when I start thinking about what will happen when he's gone on. In talking with the hospice counselor, I learned what I was experiencing was called anticipatory grief. I did a bunch of research on this which helped me understand what was going on in me and that it was "normal." I pray a lot and I call and meet with the hospice counselor as I need to. Your dad's near the end of this life, do you have or can you get hospice care? They have been invaluable for him and me both.
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Hi I know what feels my father past away 9 years ago, I cared for him.
I have done what I can, physically and financially, if he see your face every day then he is happy, except the inevitable things we cannot change is I GOD hands. Your new commitments
To yourself start after your father's
Passing on. We all have to face it.
Support him till the end. GOD will put
Peace in your heart that day when he leaves you. That happen to me.
All the best Roda South Africa
Helpful Answer (4)

I cared for our motherbfor 9 years. Take time for yourself. Volunteer or take a long deserved vacation. Live one day at a time. Its hard but with prayer and faith god will guide you.
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Do you have a dog? Sometimes having one really helps bc you know you're needed and the dog forces you to engage in life and even though it's not a cure all, it does let you have your mind on something else for part of the day. He has to eat, be walked, etc. good luck and sorry for your pain
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Seriously learn to meditate and be present. Read or take a class in mindfulness. You will learn to renown your own life.
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