How do you deal with all the repeating things and childlike behavior? -

How do you deal with all the repeating things and childlike behavior?


My Dad has dementia. My Mom has hospice in to take care of her. Me and my sister moved out of state to take care of them. We left our family to be there. My Mom is not as bad, but Dad is always in the way and will not listen to anything. He cries all the time cause they have given Mom a time limit on her life. How do you deal with all the repeating things and childlike behavior? It is wearing us~

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its simple. a hospice patient has their medication changed frequently. you crush. snort or smoke everything that their not currently using and wash it down with a gulp of everclear. im a joker, people, tryin to lighten your mood here. work with me. then chomp down the unused drugs..
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Whatnext, Over 20 years ago my grandfather had dementia and back then there was very little information regarding how to deal with it. My grandmother passed 2 years before my GF and he never stopped asking for her several times a day for his last 2 years of life. Of course we would tell him she died and that would start him to grieve all over again. What we should have been doing was redirecting him to a different subject and put him off with "oh, she will be home soon," or she's not here right now" or anything but she died! Now that I have been caring for Mom for the last 7 years, I never tell her anything that would be upsetting. They forget a minute later and start asking all over again and if we keep answering with the truth, it puts them though the same trauma over and over, like they heard it for the first time.
I would suggest you don't discuss your mom's condition with him. It would be much kinder to keep him thinking she is okay for now. As for the repeating. etc., redirect his focus to something else. Maybe there is a subject he likes to talk about. Bring it up to distract him and get his mind off of your mom. There's no fixing his condition or making him understand. I think you will find it less stressful for yourself too. Believe us all when we say no amount of patience can withstand the cruelties of dementia. You just have to "play along" and go with the situation to keep it from accelerating.
If your dad's dementia is progressing, it may be easier to distract him, but if it is just beginning, it may take some clever thinking on your part to keep him calm.
Good luck!
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Patiently! (Easier said then done.)

Hospice is for the whole family. There is a chaplain available to come and talk to Dad -- even if Dad has no religious affiliation. This person has training and experience in dealing with end-of-life issues both for the person dying and for the loved ones they are leaving.

Hospice also has social workers who can talk to you and your sister about this difficult time.

Since Dad has dementia I'm kind of sorry he was told specifically about the timeline. Waiting until Mom is in the final few days would have been soon enough, in my opinion. That can't be undone, but I definitely agree with caregiver4two not to talk about your mother's prognosis in front of him.

You and your sister are giving your parents an awesome gift.
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I live with my parents and know how stressful this must be. Its so sad to watch a parent suffer. Try and understand life as they know it is gone. They are having to adjust to what's happening to them and its not easy. I keep telling myself, this will be us one of these days and treat my parents as I'd want to be treated. I have a room in the house that I go to several times a day that's "my area" I do this when they take a nap or are settled down watching tv. There are 2 of you also so take turns. When your at your breaking point, go for a drive, go visit a friend etc. It sounds like your dad needs someone to talk to about losing his wife. I understand he gets confused but if he has a church, maybe the pastor can come speak with him or a friend of his. Something to get his mind off your mom. Talk to him about when he was young, get him thinking of fishing, hunting etc. Something he use to love to do! Take him for a walk, get him outside when the weather permits. Walk him, exercise should help relieve some of his stress. Don't talk about your mom in front of him, it only upsets him so maybe if you can get his mind on something else. I wish you the best of luck, You are doing a wonderful thing that takes lots of patience and love. Remember to take out for you! Prayers for you and your family!
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Hi whatnext, it sounds tough. I can only imagine how you must be feeling -dealing with your Mom's time limit and your Dad's needs. I just don't know what to say. Only try and be patient. You do not want to say something to your Dad that you will regret. I say this from experience. My Mom hovers-not so much now that she is wheel chair bound ( though she still uses her feet to scoot right behind you) and it was tough-I think we humans have an intrinsic need for personal space and when it is invaded we get all tensed up-literally-my muscles would just tense up so bad. The only suggestion I can think of is just to make sure you give yourself time to recoup. Find a place where you can go when your blood pressure is soaring. And take a few minutes to breathe- in through the nose blow out through the mouth ( we tell our daughter to "smell the flower -blow out the candle-"- to get her to breath right when she is stressed) you probably know this already but it is good to be reminded to breath slowly. Big hugs to you and your family.
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