My father wants my ex wife ( an RN) to be involved in his end of life decisions, I do not, I do not need her advice.

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I suggest a truce with your ex-wife until Dad makes the transition. If that's what he wants, I'd bite the bullet.
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Unless an adult is incompetent he may choose any willing adult to have his POA and/or medical POA (health care proxy). It does not matter what family members think -- it is up to the individual himself.

A caregiver in my support group assisted her husband in naming one of their son's friends as medical POA. Both the son and his friend were medical doctors and the family felt the friend could be most objective in acting on the father's behalf. This is a bit unusual and hospital staff sometimes questioned why the wife was not making decisions but insisted they explain matters to the medical POA, but this was the arrangement the sick man wanted and it had to be respected.

Unless your father is not in his right mind (as decided by a court) he gets to decide who will make decisions on his behalf. It is important that he has this in writing. It isn't about whether you need advice or not -- it is about who your father wants to make decisions on his behalf. I am sorry that this puts you in an uncomfortable position. I hope you can accept it gracefully and not let it interfere with your relationship with your father.
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