I’m new to the Medicaid aide service through MLTC. New aide started Monday for six hours a day. She is nice but hard to read. I’m not seeing her really trying to engage with my mom. She gives her dinner and helps shower her. The rest of the time is spent watching tv. She does the bare minimum of the list I made for her. Basically I asked she clean up kitchen counters and bathroom after use and quick vac the floors. She has not taken the trash out. When watching tv, she sits on another couch that’s about 12 feet away from mom. I have cameras in plain sight at my moms home so I can see there is very little interaction. This makes me sad. I don’t want to jump the gun and complain or offend the aide as this is just her first week. My mom has dementia and when I ask her what she thinks of her she just says “she's ok” or “I don’t know”. ( It’s important to note that with her previous aide right from the start Mom said “I like her, she’s good! That aide had to leave after only 2 weeks). But I don’t get that happy response from Mom with this current aide which troubles me. How do I get the aide to be more interactive with Mom and take a more active role with light housekeeping without being confrontational or offensive? Is it too early in the game to seek someone else who will be a better fit? On the other hand, I don’t want her to think this level of care is fine. I really need help with this ASAP.
When you're working in a person's home and establishing a relationship, you can't just go at it like a bull at a gate. Some clients do like the bright'n'breezy approach, true, but others are far more reserved; so it's a mistake on a caregiver's part to make assumptions.
I've been doing a double-up round this week, attending calls with a co-worker to clients who need two people to support them. My co-worker is great, very experienced and conscientious, but ohmygod she NEVER shuts up! - but it didn't seem to bother anyone apart from me :) I expect they'd describe her as chatty and friendly. I was mentally calling her other things by the end of the round...
NYCmama, if the tasks and routines that have been specified are being done to a reasonable standard, I should give the interpersonal stuff more time to develop. You say this lady is nice? - so maybe she's just not quite as extrovert as the short-term aide your mother liked.
The more active role with light housekeeping: again, a caregiver can't make assumptions, and this part you have to take VERY seriously. I might think "I'll just take the recycling out and wipe down the counters," and you might think that harmless enough, BUT!!! - if it isn't on the support plan, it serves me right if I get my ears ripped off by my line manager because the client's family has complained that I interfered. You cross boundaries at your peril.
Sitting on the other couch - also correct - "hands, face, space."
you know... trust in your instincts and your mom's..... not sure? talk with the aide and point blank ask her why she is not engaging so much..; maybe she is tired or her heart wasn't in this to start with.
You are absolutely right to want the best fit for your mom’s needs.
You left a specific list. So, I feel there isn’t a lack of communication.
You have cameras set up. A picture is worth a thousand words!
Is she new to caregiving? Does she have experience with patients with dementia? How far along is your mom’s dementia?
Did you tell her about your mom’s personality?
For instance, “Mom likes to do puzzles. Mom likes to chat over a cup of tea, etc.
I told our caregiver that mom would love for her to share a pot of tea or coffee with cookies.
Mom loves seeing photos of children. Please feel free to show photos of your kids to her.
Mom lived with us and I followed the agency’s rules.
The aide did bathe mom.
Housekeeping was only for mom’s room and kitchen area.
I requested light housekeeping, vacuum her room, empty trash, change bedding. Prepare light snack and meal.
In our case, the agency told us that the aides were companions to the elderly, as well as caregivers.
If this is private pay, explain that your mother enjoys socializing with others.
Socialization is important and is one of the favored qualities of assisted living facilities and nursing homes.
You say that you made a list, but are you able to have a personal conversation with her, perhaps saying how appreciative you are to have help in specific areas because your mother is no longer able to do these tasks.
If there is no improvement after a reasonable amount of time, go ahead and look elsewhere. I would give her a chance to find her way. Maybe she simply forgot the trash.
I had one aide that was a perfect fit for mom. I asked if I could have her every week. They agreed and mom was happy with her.
I am wondering if the sitting far away is part of the Covid training protocol in caregiving these days.
Keep us posted on your progress.
You aren’t alone. It’s challenging overseeing caregiving for our parents.
I am glad that you have some help. Some of us went without help for far too long which is a recipe for complete exhaustion!
I really appreciate your suggestions and am going to see how the rest of the week goes. It's so hard to be a caretaker when every decision can affect your loved one.