I haven't posted in quite awhile. Everyone here really helped me when my brother was dying from esophageal cancer. Thanks ever so much. I did post about my former husband, for whom I am his caregiver. I am still caring for him, however, he has quickly declined. His 47 year old son died two years ago and his decline began then.
Jerry sleeps ALL the time. Jerry has made his recliner his home. He gets up once every ten days or so to take a bath. Every two days to go to the bathroom. He uses a urinal and on bad days, I have to help him pee. He does not move. He awakens to eat, though. Then, he goes back to sleep. Last time he went to the ER, the ambulance driver told me that Jerry would likely die in that chair. I believe him. Jerry is almost 76, 6'4" and 335 lbs. All his cardiologist tells me is to keep having him take his new medicine. It makes him feel horrid, but at least he wakes up to complain. Is that what docs tell all old and sick people? They are of no help to us.
Jerry is supposed to have a sleep study, per his pulmonologist. He went to see him several months ago, when he used to drive. Jerry refuses the study.
I feel like Jerry will die soon. Is this just me, or could I be correct?
Jerry also is confused. He imagines that I have gone somewhere or someone has come to see him. He sometimes talks in his sleep and yells. He did that some months ago. He spent two weeks in the hospital. They found his blood lacked oxygen and that caused his shouting in his sleep. If he appears lucid for some moments, he talks about subjects he would never talk about. He talks to my poor brother when he visits, about women on TV, making uncharacteristic suggestive remarks. He is usually on top of his bills, but he needs lots of help remembering now. A facility is out of the question.
We both have excellent Medicare insurance, with supplementals and Jerry is
very comfortable. I needed to vent and I would love some suggestions.
I would love some advice from you all. You have been so kind.
My question is whether or not to call his sister in NC and bring her up to speed about her brother. A few years ago, Jerry was very sick and I called his sister and told her he was in ICU. Long story, his daughter finally showed up and had me tossed out of the ICU. (She does not like me, because I told her what I thought of her never calling or coming to see her dad, especially when he's ben so sick.) See why I am hesitant to call?
He is retiring next year and has NO PLANS but to sleep. I fear he will sleep himself to death.
After 2 heart attacks his cardiologist scared him into taking better care of himself and he lost a lot of weight and actually did a little exercise and was able to get off the CPAP machine.
He travels a lot and has gained back most of the weight, He snores severely, doc wants another sleep study but he doesn't believe he snores. (I have recorded him MANY times and played it back but he thinks I am playing jokes on him.)
A friend of mine does Out placement counseling and has told my DH over and over: Before you retire you have to have 3 'hobbies' or reasons to get up. If you retire and go to bed, you'll be dead in 18 months.
Depression is a horrible thing. Can you get him to see someone? AD's might help.
AND DO NOT BRING HIM MEALS IN BED. My Dh has to GET UP, SIT UP and STAY UP.
He's also on AD's and I am going to get him to counseling before he retires so he can find some passion in life. If he chooses to stay in bed, I guess I will be a very wealthy widow :(
I am going now to the link that you so kindly sent to me.
I am not sure what a doctor could tell him other than to get up, move around, eat healthier, etc, but then it's up to HIM to actually do it. It sounds like Jerry has given up, you know? And a sleep study would likely reveal the need for a CPAP (or similar) machine but would he actually USE it, is the question? The adjustment period for such an appliance tends to be quite difficult; I witnessed it with my husband and it took him several months to adjust. He'd yank the thing off of his face multiple times a night and I'd tell him to leave it off for 10 minutes but that he'd have to put it back on. Only through such perseverance did he eventually acclimate.
It does sound as though Jerry is dying, frankly, especially with his lack of urine output. And that he's developing dementia as well, based on what you are saying, including the uncharacteristic suggestive remarks. ISB is inappropriate sexual behavior that goes along with some people suffering with dementia, so that may be the case for Jerry.
My aunt had almost the exact same situation with her husband who refused to move out of his recliner and was very overweight but refused to change. She waited on him hand and foot for years before he was eventually rushed to the hospital with liver issues. He passed away in the hospital a month later.
Here is a link discussion signs to watch for as end of life symptoms:
https://www.crossroadshospice.com/hospice-caregiver-support/end-of-life-signs/
Wishing you all the best of luck during this difficult time, my friend. Sending you a big hug, too.