I have four spoiled dogs that are family. Two are beagles (4yo), one is a Dalmatian and who-knows-what mix (4yo), and one is a hound of some kind (1yo). They are a fairly calm pack (some excitability when seeing a squirrel, at meal time, etc). They have a doggy door so are in and out at will. They do lounge on furniture and sleep in my bed. My thought is to put a baby gate at Mom's bedroom door as additional "protection" for her (she has never had dogs or been around any for any period of time). However, the common areas are common, including to the dogs. Mom would like to have her sofa in the living room (no problem); however, she insists that the dogs stay off. Some dogs, and I'm not certain if that would be the canine variety, need to learn some new tricks.

Think long and hard before you move her in with you. A frail woman with four dogs is asking for disaster.

There is a reason people are telling you to not do this. Hundreds of people on this board thought they could do home care too, and now they are exhausted, broken mentally (and physically) and wish someone had warned them.

Kindly consider:

-What will happen if she does not adjust to the dogs, or they don’t adjust to her? You may have to choose between mother and your dogs. Are you okay with rehoming them? Especially if they accidentally trip mother and she breaks more bones? I have pets that are family too, and to be forced into a decision like that would be heartbreaking.

-Any sort of schedule you have now will be out the window. 

-Can you lift her every day? 

-You may need an aide. Are you okay with workers (strangers) in your house? Will your dogs be okay with them? Not every aide will want dogs around.

-Can you handle multiple toilet visits, butt wiping, diarrhea, bed urine, and getting her undressed/dressed? Multiple times a day, and night too?

-Are you able to help with bathing?

-Are your toilets, bathtubs, etc handicap-ready? Will her bed have safety rails? Are meds stored safely? 

-There will be no more dinners out, no vacations. Friends and family will say to call if you need anything, but you'll find almost none will volunteer to stay with her if you want or need time out. 

-When do you plan to get things like errands and grocery shopping done? She cannot be left alone. 

-If she worsens, how will you handle the medical needs? 

- If she keeps you up at night, how do you plan to handle work the next day? Same goes for working from home. 

- If you get sick, injured, or compromised, what plan do you have for her care?

- If you are no longer able to care for her, how will you get her into memory care or a nursing home? 

I've said before that people think they can "love their way" through caregiving. That love will be enough to sustain their energy and will. It isn't. Most on here loved their elder dearly and wanted to care for them. They had to place their elder to save both of their lives.

85 is indeed old, but she could live another 10 years. Can you do this for several years?

If you're bound and determined to move her to your house, certainly no one can stop you. Just go into this with open eyes and KNOW what you are taking on.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to LoopyLoo

Ironic mom is incontinent but has a problem with dogs on her couch. They are probably cleaner and smell better than mom at this point.

You've been warned by some very wise people not to let mom move in. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way unfortunately.

Hopefully in a few months you won't be asking how to get mom out of your house. Once they move in they are harder to remove than a tick embedded on a dogs backside.

Gold luck. I meant good luck but if you had gold you wouldn't need luck since you could hire round the clock care for mom in her own place.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to sp19690

Is Mom in a Rehab at the moment? If so have her evaluated there for longterm. If they find she does not need 24/7 care, I would find other options then moving her in with me. If she has money, find a nice AL. Does she really want to move in with you? If she has never had dogs, she may not get used to them. Me personally would not move into your house. I know, they are ur children but I particularly don't like dogs. And if I am around them, there is no licking my face or jumping on me. I love well behaved dogs that listen to their owners. I can I not like dogs.😊

Her couch. I use this type of cover on my husbands
my sofa. Not for dogs but for sticky little fingers. You can get them waterproofed. Just throw them in the washer. The one I have has elastic on the top panel to hold it in place. Yes, you will have to train the babies not to get on Moms sofa but this cover can be used, just in case.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29

I guess my question is why would you have her move in with you?

Read around here, this situation rarely works.

Why not explore other options?
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to MeDolly

Please take what CTTN55 wrote to you to heart. Read other posts on this forum where well-meaning adult children moved their aging and ailing parents in and then quickly became overwhelmed by their needs because they were expecting cooperation, participation and improvement and instead got resistance and decline.

What CTTN55 quoted from you in a prior post could mean the beginnings of dementia. Stubbornness and resistance is often one of the early signs and is often missed because it is dismissed as a personality and age thing rather than a feature of a disease that will only get worse.

Before you move her in, if at all possible, take her in for a cognitive/memory exam. If she had anesthesia for anything related to her broken hip, this can speed up the onset of dementia. It would be cruel for you to keep expecting her to be her old self if she no longer can. I've found the Teepa Snow videos on YouTube very informative and helpful in understanding dementia and how it changes our LOs and gives advice on how to better engage with them for more peaceful and productive interactions.

Your Mom may qualify for LTC, which is the first part of qualifying for Medicaid (the second being financial). You may have never considered a care facility for your Mom, and she may not want it, but please please please go into this with your eyes wide open. Once she's in your home it will be more difficult to get her into a facility. If she's in rehab now she can go directly into a permanent place much more easily (and you can tell her it's also temporary even if it's not). Tell her she needs to be able to do her ADLs before she moves in with you -- this takes the blame off you and puts the responsibility onto her and blames "the doctor".

Yes, the dogs are the least of both of your problems. As a dog owner myself, I get that they are your "pack" but if you move your Mom in, she is the priority and not your dogs. If you can't agree to this then don't do it. All it would take is for her to trip over or be knocked down by one of them and then a different kind of poop show will begin. I wish you much clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you make decisions. When it comes to aging decline and dementia, sometimes there is no good solution...only least bad options.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Geaton777

From your profile: "I am caring for my mother E, who is 85 years old with age-related decline, broken hip, hearing loss, incontinence, and mobility problems."

and a previous post: " appears she soils herself because having someone clean her up to her way of thinking means she's 'getting her moneys worth' or some nonsense. PT states she is capable of toileting & bathing. She just won't.
Additionally, her muscles, specifically abductors, are not getting better due to her not applying herself as vigorously as PT believes she could.
She can't or won't climb stairs (not even one, like, say, a threshold) at all.
Finally, she won't get in a car. For her doctor's appointments she has to be loaded into the facility wheelchair van. PT has also indicated there's no reason for this behavior either (see above 'rationale')."

I think the dogs are the least of your problems. Don't you see big problems ahead if you move her in with you? Why is this the plan?
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to CTTN55

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