Is it wrong to not see a person dying, but wanting to remember them as they were?

I went to see my husband every day for the two weeks he was in hospice after a major stroke. As he had instructed, a feeding tube was not inserted, so he gradually starved to death. He was perhaps sentient for 10 days and said he wasn't hungry, although his mouth was dry and the aides were good at handling that. It was very, very hard for me to witness his decline, but his children disagreed with not putting in the tube, so they did not come. Hearing his last breath and seeing the dead body was painful to me, but I knew he was no longer there, and glad that he did not have to endure months or perhaps years in a nursing home with no hope of walking or even reading or watching TV again (the stroke destroyed his central vision). The body was cremated, and there was no viewing. The memory still haunts me, but I am confident I did what he wanted. I could not have left him to die alone, even if he was no longer aware I was there.

You are a brave lady, Arleeda. No one could have done more, or better, than you did.

NO ONE can tell a person what is right or wrong about how they handle a memorial service, a wake, a funeral.
How you deal with the loss of your Mother, Spouse, child, best friend is a personal expression of how you felt at that moment and how you think/thought they would want you to express yourself.
How one deals with death is greatly determined how they dealt with that persons life and your own. My Husband Loved the Chicago Cubs. When he died and a family member said..xxxx and I are going shopping for suits for xxxx and xxx since I had asked them to be pallbearers I said No suits. I wanted everyone to wear Cubs Jerseys or T-Shirts and jeans. My husband disliked suits and I had said for years he would be buried in either a Cubs shirt, a Bears shirt or a plaid flannel. He was laid to rest with a Cubs Jersey and Cap.
So do not let anyone tell you how you should or should not mourn or express yourself at a service. (short of getting drunk and being an idiot of course)

Not at all wrong! I did this with an aunt...had pancreatic cancer, but was a harsh-tounged woman all her life.

I was hurt and appalled when family members chose to stay away from my parent's when they were dying "so they could remember the person AS they WERE" --but that's not life, not reality. Reality is what's happening at this moment. Love is bigger than that. I've come to view it as their loss. There is a lot to learn. Deaths are as unique as births. And are equally a part of life. They gave up something by shielding themselves so carefully. But that's their choice.

Singingway: In any forum thought/post, not everyone is going to agree. That's also a good way to learn.

Singingway I like your answer.