Follow
Share

My mom is 102 years old. She is in pain, altered mentally, and and I do not understand why she is still surviving. This has been going on for over a year and tearing my sisters apart. What do we do? It is so hard to see her this way and suffering. I have put down my sweet pets for less. What is going on?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Pattiejean, hospice will go into nursing homes if the home allows it. If your mother is in a lot of pain, it may be something you want to consider. Doctors are often afraid to give much medication to help with pain because they are monitored so closely. Hospice is experienced with dealing with pain. A good hospice will work with your mother and you to help her be more comfortable.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I wish I knew the answer of why the body goes on when the mind is miserable. Supposedly a negative attitude shortens life, but for our Mom it extended it. She just passed at the age of 101 and 3 months. It must be genetics, or pre-determined when your time is up. My sister and I thought she was going to be the first human to live forever (and that we had the same genes)
Mom was not in pain (in fact in very good health except for increasing memory loss and deafness) but she was miserably unhappy for 20 years, did not enjoy life, complained about everything. She barely ate the excellent food served in IL. She was wasted (91 pounds) we puzzled over why she fought so hard and kept on chugging refusing to accept she was aging despite her belief that her life was so awful. For the last two years we prayed she would pass peacefully in her sleep so she would not bear the agony of losing and fighting hopelessly for her "youth". We knew she would be miserable when she had to move to Assisted Living - and she was. She ended up in a NH because she was so malnourished and weak, but still fought to walk, fell and fractured her pelvis. We watched her slowly deteriorate and even toward the end her will kept her going for a long time.
I don't understand it either, but tell your sisters when she starts to decline, it will be quick. I hope for all your sakes she passes peacefully.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Jessie, Wise words, I hadn't ever heard it put like that before, but it makes perfect sense!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

The longer you live, the more issues and experience you need to come to terms with. She has to find peace. Some need forgiveness from someone, others need to give it. She may be waiting for permission to go. If she was a church-going woman, a visit from her minister would help.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

No hospice but still in a nursing home where things can go wrong when she is so fragile. I will try to be patient but it is hard to see her suffer.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Pattijean, our bodies and souls spend a lifetime trying to stay together. It is hard for them to separate until both are ready to let go. Some people say it is like being born into a new world and that a person has to go through a process of separating from the old. It causes a lot of suffering and can be so hard to watch. If your mother is in a lot of pain, it may actually be fighting the pain that is keeping her in her body. It is something that I've read from hospice counselors. One of the goals of hospice is to ease the pain, so there is not such a battle to fight it.

Only your mother can decide when it is time for her to leave. The only thing you and your sister can do is try to keep her as comfortable and pain-free as possible while she is here. That way your mother will not have to battle the pain. Are you getting any help from hospice? A good hospice organization can help a lot during the final months of life. ((((Hugs))))
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.