Caregiving now for 4 years.. recent infection, C-Dff, on way to clearing up has made it worse. Severe Dementia, although has moments of clarity. My biggest problem is the fecal incontinence, letting him do it alone in bathroom creates a huge mess, better off me changing him about 3 times a day. Cost is big too, throwing out towells and sweatpants almost daily now? Im in NYC, jointly own house with Pop, if I put him in nursing home, I;m homeless and he's 'warehoused' till he dies. He's 93, but, no real chronic physical problems. mostly mental which cause the incontinence, he gets frustated and agitated end up changing him every morning at 3AM? This is my 5th year and I think I;ll lose my mind sometimes and or end up ill?

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Hi, sounds like you're just this side of burnout. Do you get any time off at all? I'm not clear on why you are throwing out towels and clothing. I wash in hot water anything soiled; using white towels I can even throw in some bleach. My new washer has a steam cycle and I also use that a lot. Everything smells so fresh after all that. Any towel or washcloth that becomes so stained that I don't want to use it becomes a cleaning rag. Can never get too many of those in my opinion. I would even think the sweat pants could be soaked or washed in a Borax solution to remove the odor. 20 Mule Team Borax is a wonder product of many uses and I've been using it since my children were born.

On the other hand, many of us would gladly trade places - we deal with constipation instead. And since that leads to other, potentially fatal, problems, we have to keep on top of it. And it comes with its own set of hygiene issues.

Slip on a pair of latex gloves before cleaning so that your own hands don't retain the lovely odor. Also, I don't think you'd be homeless even if your father moved to a nursing home. Check into that before you just assume the worst. I know laws vary from state to state and depend too on whether he is to receive Medicaid.

I hear your frustration and am concerned that you need some time off. In the meantime, try a baby monitor if you haven't already. At least that way you can hear him head for the bathroom and intervene. Or a bed alarm or even a driveway alarm that he would set off when he is on the move. Something passive.

Get some help of some sort. Even if it is self pay, someone to help with housework or laundry, or someone to help with your dad. I've had someone come before that could do anything related to Mom. So I had them change the bed and wash her linens and clothes. Vacuum and dust her room, clean her bathroom. These were not nurses but home health aides. They are not inexpensive, money-wise, but cheap in regards to my well-being. Sorry for my rambling, but I'm concerned for you and YOUR health.
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I agree. I would get some legal advice on asset protection, considering you own the house jointly and you have been providing care for him for years. See if you are protected from Medicaid recovery in your state.

If you continue to provide all the care for you dad, it sounds like you may burn out soon. That's a lot of stress for one person.

I don't know much about the incontinence you describe, but I know that with the urinary kind, they put my cousin on a schedule and they put her on the toilet at certain times for her to go. I think that by establishing a schedule, it makes accidents less likely and cleanup easier.

I might also check his diet, If his stools are that loose, maybe he could handle a change that might help with that from his doctor. I wish I more advice.
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What does the geriatric psychiatrist say about meds for his agitation? My mother is anything but warehoused in her nh. I believe there is a medicaid exemption on MERP for houses occupied by caregivers who are living with elder. Where are you getting this information from? Are you dealing with an Eldercare attorney who knows Medicaid regs?
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