How do I cope with a boss who is growing less tolerant of family needs?

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I can't quit my job. I'm not permitted to work off site, although it is easily done in my work environment.

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Sounds to me like you already have the skills to handle this. Look at it this way you manage construction crews..big projects that require a lot of planning. Put those planning skills to use in hiring a personal assistant for living for your parents. When I worked for a doctor as a PAL his daughter in law ran the whole show, she hired me, put me in charge of doctor visits, meals, entertainment, shopping for the doctor. She managed me just like she did her business and it was wonderful. The doc was happy, and the family was able to continue working. Planning is the key. Take some time find the right person and use your skills to put it all together. If someone comes in to help now there will be no train wreck down the road.
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In our parents time grandparents came to live with them. My grandmother had 8 kids after raising them she had her Dad and sister. We as children have to stand up for ourselves. Our parents need to understand that we can't give up jobs and responsibility to our families. We should tell them what we are able to do anything else they need to hire or research agencies that can help. Also, not everyone is able to stay in their homes. Have them evaluated and that person explain to them options. Better coming from someone else.
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Is it possible to make up time over a weekend, such as coming in on a Saturday? I've done that in the past. I actually got more work done because no phone were ringing and less interruptions but many bosses may not see it that way. Luckily I work in a 24/7 environment so even though my regular hours are mon-fri, working on a Saturday or sunday occasionally isn't that unreasonable.

My thought is always though, who will do this for ME when its my turn? I certainly will not expect my children to do this. I'm going to see if I can get as much care as possible in house and if I can't at some point exist independently, then I will check myself into an AL situation. I just don't understand why our parents generation thinks they are entitled to having their children ruin their careers, relationships and lives for them. As a good friend pointed out, her parents came to this country and LEFT their parents to fend for themselves in the old country and never looked back. Many of us are children or grandchildren of immigrants who did exactly the same thing! No one considered them thoughtless or selfish. Its interesting that this generation feels they must give back everything, including their soul for their parents in gratitude for raising them. Anyway, I found that my friend's observation interesting.
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Is there someone over your boss? An HR department? If so, she isn't the onlyone who can help. HR maybe able to help. Maybe you can work half the day and work from home the other.
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First working for a woman can have its problems. Not many companies are sympathetic to family problems. There is always someone out there glad to get your job. As said before, your future has to be look forward to. I realize parents can be stubborn but they need to see the childs side. If you can't get through maybe a doctor or Social Service person can explain that you need to be able to work.
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I think Igloo makes some good points. Looking at the situation from the negative angle, your boss doesn't understand and probably won't. She lives in a different world. Is there any way you can help her understand? I don't know. I think someone has to have some experience in caregiving to realize the demands it creates.

What you can do is protect yourself by planning for an unfortunate outcome. If you haven't already, start inventorying the jobs you've managed, problems that have arisen and how you solved them, etc. Inventory the various skills you've used - dealing with tradespeople (probably many men), managing multiple trades, integrating them into a project, project management tasks, construction scheduling, maybe some CPM scheduling as well. These are valuable skill sets.

If you can carve out any time, start networking in trade groups. I once joined a project management group, at which one of the meetings was a blend of knowledgeable and highly placed, visible people in various aspects of project management of a massive utility project. I made a few good contacts; didn't hurt that there were only 2 women there - myself and one of my co-workers.

If you have the nerve, and I'm not sure I would, have a frank talk with her and ask her if she's planning any drastic action, and if so, what solutions can be created to avoid a dismissal. I know it's hard to think in those terms, but you do want to be prepared to preserve what I suspect is a challenging and promising career.

If you don't have time to socialize with the management of the various trades involved, try to get more acquainted with them so you can use them as references.

Don't forget the government folks as well; I'm sure you're dealing with building inspection departments. Even though I doubt many would stick their necks out to give recommendations, there are some. That's how I found a plumber decades ago.

And in fact one of the projects on which I worked was eased along by compliments from the community's building staff to our client, which had brought us in b/c of difficulty with the local building department.

Dealing with architectural and inspection folks can grease the skids to keep a project moving and get an occupancy cert issued. These are important skills, so cultivate those folks and perhaps they might be supportive if anything unpleasant happens.

And, if a worse case seems to be materializing, think about part time, FMLA, or even resigning voluntarily; it'll look better on your resume than an involuntary departure.
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I HAD a boss who said family matters quite often. It turned out when I put that statement to the test that he was thinking only of his family. When I drove my mother to the hospital one night due to stomach pains, I ended up picking her up 4 hours later (1am). I got about 3 hours of sleep that night and went to work anyway. Within an hour (9AM) I asked the boss if I could leave
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If your employer is small, there are few protections for you. It's their way or your toast -that is the reality of smaller business structure in the US. What I'd be concerned about is that your boss has indicated that your performance is problematic. If you were to be dismissed, you may not be able to get unemployment benefits & you would have no decent references. It sounds like she is not ever going to be supportive of your caregiving duties. She has no reason to in her viewpoint. Forget about her; you need to make all this a positive for you.

Personally I'd try to work out a dismissal in the near future that allows you to file for unemployment benefits & get a decent reference right now while you have current projects and some negotiating room in all this. Ask your clients if you can list them as refernces. Go through your files to get names, etc now for future work needs. During the unemployment period, you find a caregiving situation for your folks so that you can go back to work at another firm say in 2 years. Try to find out if getting unemployment allows you to have a part time job with income & if so what the limits are. Id bet yiumare allowed to make a few hundred a mo in part time "work". You want your folks to do a personal care contact with you to pay you right under the unemployment income limit if so. Doing this keeps your own SScredits building and add a bit to your income during this period. Contract if done by atty are totally legit for Medicaid.

My crystal ball is a bit hazey but it seems to show that mom will have an incident within the next 2years & need to go into a NH. Dad gets in NH or AL. Being on unemployment with its flexible time constraints will be almost ideal. Plus you will need to look for a new job and utilizing the states unemployment database could find one with even better projects & clients than the old company ever had. Make this a win win for you.
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Hi all - good question, good responses. We always have to watch how we appear at work, not just what we do, IMO. I wouldn't be surprised if you're feeling a bit guilty about work, and that can feed into it. So try and have more confidence, too. I agree with 'get help' - firstly, I'd get help with this question! Find a counselor or life coach, now, to help you negotiate through all of this as it ensues. S/he can help with the approach at work, and at home. Sounds like you are single, full time, like I am - I engage a number of helpers, and #1 is a counselor/coach.
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I have been in each of these positions as, boss, employee, and caregiver. First, don't blame your loved onr if you choose to give up your job and/or try to do it all. No matter what, YOU are making that decision not them. In all circumstances there are now solutions to getting extra help and/ or in placing them somewhere safe. Under no circumstancs try to care for someone with dimentia without professional help! Not only can you end up jailed and/or wrongly charge with something, you could end up dead before the person with dementia. Do not under estimate the possible danger to yourself or them! Everyone needs professional help because no one is born knowing how to handle these things and too few of us take the classes we will need. On average it takes three people to care for someone, two full time and at least one parttime. As for the boss. You may have a job where instant answers are needed even if you don't 'see' it that way. In addition, if your boss is overly dependent and/or poorly suited for their job you canexpect that, you and not they will be blamed. In the long run, either leaving and/or placing your loved one must happen.
In my case, I opted for making someone's care my new job, and it turned out that saved my life because I was so caught up in the job thatI wasn't doing what I should have for my health, si it was only learning ehst I needed to properly care for someone else, I got a chance to save myself. This isn't going to be true for everyone, however, if money, power, and/ or influence, are any driving forces for choices, your choices will always be wrong. Get help!
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