I have an appointment with a different Dr. this week regarding some paperwork for my 89 year old father. We are seeing this Dr. instead of his regular primary because I was informed by a county dementia expert that I needed a supporting statement from a 2nd Dr. stating that my father cannot live alone in his house, and I live with him. We have Joint Tenancy, the house is deeded to me with a 5-year lookback so it is complicated.
Anyway, his primary Dr. didn't seem like she was very interested in how things were going with him. I am hoping that this Dr. will be more willing to talk about his dementia, recent renewed interest in consuming alcohol, inappropriate anger responses, social ineptness (when I take him on a drive or to a restaurant I always regret it, yet he pressures me to take him often). But, since she isn't his primary Dr. she might not help either.
It is awkward and usually futile trying to discuss all of this when he is present. And since I am his healthcare POA I would think that they could talk to me privately, unless they require guardianship but he has not yet been declared mentally incompetent. When we are with the Dr. he is usually on his best behavior. And I know that he will deny or try to justify his actions. Like when he tried to strangle my neck recently during an argument, and I resisted, then he lost his balance and scraped his elbow, he will have a selective memory and deny that he had tried to strangle me.
He will also claim that his dizziness is due to a concussion rather than his prior alcoholism which I have heard can cause it. He denies the years of alcoholism.
Any ideas on how to handle these awkward Dr. visits so you can have your say? It seems like everyone is so busy and rushed these days and the Drs. bolt for the door without asking if there were any other issues to talk about. I was thinking about making an appointment for myself with his Dr. under my own insurance but I don't know if it is allowed and as I said she gave me the impression that she didn't want to get involved in the mental or behavioral problems. I don't have a Dr. myself because I have had bad luck when it comes to my own health issues and finally decided that it was a waste of time and money. In fact, accompanying my father to his medical appointments always reminds me why I stopped going to them for myself!
I might try calling the clinic before we go and ask if I could PLEASE even just talk to the nurse privately. We live in a small town and don't have any specialists nearby. But I just know that if I try to say everything that I want to say in his presence, it won't go well and like I said, he doesn't display the same kind of behavior that he does at home when I bring up unpopular subjects. And I will probably pay for it after we leave the appointment.
I am thinking that it is time to start trying some meds, which he might not take if he knows what they are for. Again, some things can only be discussed in private with the Dr.