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It is such a hard situation - I agree your own life right now is in a state of crisis and it's okay to acknowledge that and put that first. If you think your parents really are at risk over there without you, then let whatever official people know so that the right actions can happen. I can relate in that the bind is either you be a "good daughter" and by doing so destroy yourself, or save yourself and feel like you are damned. At least that's my problem. I keep trying to remember that there probably are some choices in the middle between doing everything and doing nothing.

Forgot to address the falls, they don't sound particularly alarming to me - just about par for the course. Unless your mother is in a nursing home where she has supervision 24/7 the falls are going to happen sometimes and you can only pray she isn't harmed or without help for too long. Would she be willing to wear a Life Alert that automatically triggers with a fall? My mother falls often but refuses to consider any appropriate actions to protect herself from Lifealert to just using her walker when she should. Still she's "competent" so I can do very little other than give advice she ignores.
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Bermuda, thanks for the hugs, back at you, sorry you have to live this too!
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Bermuda, I called my dad earlier today told him I would check with the agency we hired as to why as my dad said they didn't show up. The agency said that when they called to tell them someone would be coming by he told them not to come. I believe the agency, they told me they had him on speaker phone. The head nurse with the agency is going to call them again to let them know there is someone to come over they are wanting to assist them. Then Marilyn head nurse will call me let me know what they said. I'm tired of dealing with them, my parents. My father called them liars, the stress is making me sick, my parents are very toxic. I've prayed about this how can anyone help them? If I when up there told them they are going to a nursing home one my father would have to be restrained he'd get so angry. I'd have to pack them up to move them while feeding them changing mothers diaper. Get a real estate agent have the house painted new carpet. There is nothing going to be easy about this, and that assisted living place won't take them there level of care is to extreme. If they go to a nursing home my dad will run up the cost of care because of his toxic behavior I've already been told that. There emotionally, physically, and spiritually in such a bad place the most humane thing would be God end their lives. It's horrible hearing them, seeing them go this far down, then when you try to help you lose your job, insurance, your life, your sanity, you sense of self all while being beat down verbally. They're on their own for now I have to take care of myself, or I can't take care of anything!
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HUGS Zoolife, I really feel for you because I am long-distance as well and face similar issues. Is there any way you could force an evaluation of their living situation - like calling their Area Agency on Aging and explaining or even APS? It seems like an external authority needs to order them to move to that nice assisted living place you picked out. Of course they might fight that tooth and nail, or if they do tend to respect doctors or officials at all it might work. Maybe their doctors could be an ally in this too?
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I was in Virginia now I'm home, my father has been keeping these things from me I've been home 2 weeks. They have assistance coming to the home through a nursing agency I like very much. I found out this morning that my father has been telling them not to come to their home. My mother is not to be left alone on her walker. The first fall lately last week she ended up in the hospital but was released without injury. My father when I called to check on them last night said she fell again but didn't hurt herself she said she did but did not go to the hospital as neighbors helped get her back up.

When I was caring for my folks both with dementia my employer within a weeks time fired me which added additional stress to my life and consequently I have serious medical issues that now I'm not being treated for due to lack of insurance. I'm getting all the legal paperwork to protect my parents rights and assess in place here in Texas.

I noticed when I was there mother doesn't eat well or seem to understand how to use utilizes to eat, I did feed her and cut her food for her. I noticed that she stares in a daze like state, none of her sentences make that much sense. After her fall a few days ago she was hallucinating believing there was a dog in the house. Dad said he got her straight on that, she hallucinated before not knowing where is was after a fall. There lives are a mess now so is mine! I'm suffering from serious depression diagnosed years ago now even worse. I can't imagine going back to care for them in my state to mind. My father is verbally violent abrasive difficult, my mother stubborn.

Before I drove 1230 miles to come back home I noticed my dad declined confused, my mother too, this comes and goes. I have know idea what stage of the disease they are in. My father hates my mothers doctor I found for her, and won't take her to the doctor or let the nursed aid drive my mother to see her doctor. I'm totally lost at this point, my future plans I don't know where I will end up. I own my home for now lived her 12 years, had a beautiful place 3 miles from where I live for my folks in assisted living set for them to move so none of this would happen. Totally emotionally drained
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Can you tell us more about these falls? Was she injured, did she go to the hospital after them? What led to the falls? Falls alone do not necessarily mean she is nearer to death though a serious injury from a fall would be bad.
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