How can I help my scared parent and nastiness?

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My father fell in his home and suffered a spinal cord injury back in November. I was luckily at home when he fell and called an ambulance for him to go to the hospital. He had back surgery the next day to decompress the spine and he is a quadraplegic, he has been in and out of rehab for the last 3 months. We are hoping for him to get better and regain some functionality. My mother and I are arranging for him to come home. We lived in a house with steps and with his current condition , house is not conduisve for him and we are currently about to move into an apartment. He is very homesick and sick of rehab, and we are trying to arrange for his home health services when he comes home. For the last three months me and my mom have been through a roller coaster ride. I told my parents, that I will become a caregiver for him when he is home and signed up for home health aide classes. Everything, I have been doing has been for my father and cause I love him. I have been there washing his clothes, giving him restaurant food (he hates rehab food) and doing a lot of arrangements for the apartment. Then we were talking how of the blue he said that I took pleasure in seeing him suffer. I was so shocked by what he said and insulted, because it was a jerk thing to say and also that he tried to paint me as a nasty person as I am far from it. I was very shocked and very hurt by what he said,even my mother was shocked. I know that he is depressed and feels helpless, he has been in and out of rehab and hospitals, he has never been in a hospital before in his long life. I can understand the culture shock, and we try to give him hope of the new apartment which he is looking forward to. I am doing whatever I can to help him as a new caregiver, but to me the nasty backlash and insults is getting worse. He does not insult my mother (thank you) but he has been nasty to me. He only uses me as a body to do his chores but he hates how I talk and he accused me of trying to play doctor. Overall, I think he has no respect for me, cause I am so close to him, I am an easier target then my mother and his other relatives. I roll it off my shoulders but it is not the words, but I do think about the future if he does come home. I am second guessing on caregiving cause I think it will get worse and it will become more habitual to the point where he will use stuff against me. That will ruin our relationship and his progress on getting better. I refuse to be his verbal punching bag. My mother thinks, I should move on with my life and believes that he is too much to deal with. I am thinking about scaling back on hospital visits as well. I am inclining to agree with her, cause the more depressed the more manipulative he is and things won't get better if he uses me. He wanted me to smuggle sleeping pills for him which I can get in trouble for. I don't think it is worth it, as much as I would love to help out. If he is going to be disrespectful, manipulative and roll over on me then I should pull out. What advice and support do you have from being caregivers yourselves and dealing with nastiness and taken for granted aspect of being a caregiver. What do you think and what is your advice.

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Move on with your life. That can include visiting him as a loving daughter, but at this point it does not sound like it would be best for anyone for you to be the caregiver. It is good that this came to light before you set up as in-home caregiver. It is easier to start with an outsider than to transition to that later.

Who knows? He may improve to the point where he will get past this depression and anger. But don't count on that. Love him just as he is, but avoid spending a lot of time with him.
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Listen to your mother and yourself. Your dad is understandably angry with his situation and it appears that instead of accepting or dealing with it he appears to be taking his misfortune out on you. Sometimes when we have someone to blame it makes it easier to keep from dealing with the reality of the situation. His focus is on being angry instead of on his rehabilitation. You might be able to help him in the future but for now he ( and you) would probably be better off with someone not so easy to manipulate or blame. You are hoping to help your father but again, listen to your mother and move on with your life. It's probably best for you and dad. When someone else takes the caregiver role you'll be better able to provide him with the care and support of a loving child rather than a nurse.
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I would take a step back from doing any kind of caregiving for your father. I would also recommend that you don't visit him in rehab for a while. Have your mother hire caregivers that are not relatives because he might not be so abusive and they won't be as willing to tolerate his crap and possibly call him on it.
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