When my Mom became ill and I stayed with her in the hospital for three weeks, I didn't even consider my life and just jumped right in and decided to care for her full time. She was living by herself in another state previously with someone coming by each day just to make sure that she was taking her pills correctly. Her dementia went haywire while in the hospital and it was clear that she could no longer live alone. Plus the fact that she now had to deal with severly damaged nerve that affected her ability to walk. I've never been married and my Mother and I were best friends. I had lost my job a couple months prior so the timing was perfect. Since then I am constantly attacked by my 5 brothers and sisters. I have been called every name in the book and have been accused of anything you can imagine to include trying to "bleed Mom dry so that I can have her condo and live there alone!" I have always been an extremely honest person and lying is one of my biggest pet peaves and yet they don't believe a word I say. Prior to this, one of my brothers even said that I was "angelic!" What happened????
One of their biggest complaints was that we eat out too much. So, I lower the cost of eating out and now they are complaining that my grocery bill is too high!!!! I have one sister that apparently eats perfectly and thinks that I feed my Mother candy and cake all day long. She actually wanted me to photograph my pantry and send her the picture. This with the instructions to take the picture now before I go to the grocery store!!! Now they want me to send them all of our receipts for the month so they can see every item that we purchase! I would tell them to kiss off, but they are the ones that have access to Mom's money and only give me a set amount each month. I am under budget by over $600 for the year, but they are still complaining!!!!! This is even after they cut my homecare budget in half so that I only have enough money to get away about six hours a week. I am with my Mother constantly every other minute of every day. She won't even let me be in the other room without constantly having to answer what I'm doing and when will I be back in the room with her. What do I do???? HELP!!!!!!
I'm sure your Mom would like to see those 5 more often, doesn't she? One by one, I'd invite them for a whole weekend so they can show you a more cost-efficient way to do something that shouldn't have a price tag attached to it. The only way your sibs are going to shut their clams is by having a taste of your caregiving life and all the sacrifices you continue to make in the name of love. ... I bet they won't last 24 hours.
"Angelic" is an understatement. You've earned those wings, so don't let their perception of you become your reality.
-- Ed
If you are the one doing most of the work, it is common sense that you have to have finances available to take care of them. I didn't get any money at all for years, so having siblings suddenly kick up a sand storm about things does not set well with me at all. All those times I told them about problems they didn't want to hear about - but suddenly they are SO concerned... I know people who were never there for their parents, but the neighbors were - and you can guess that the neighbors got nothing for their trouble, while the absent child got everything.
Look out for yourself the best you can.