What should I do if my father loses control of his bowels without knowing?

Dontask is right in that sometimes we become parents and our parents become children. However, we cannot treat them as such. Shoving a dirty diaper at him and more or less saying, "See what you did!", especially if he has dementia is NOT the way to handle him, nor is treating him like a big kid. He has no idea what he's done. Rashes from incontinence are not fun. They are painful and difficult to clear up. My husband realized that for himself. Since my husband is not "regular", I try to change him every few hours. I have a routine I follow when changing him. I've gotten so efficient at it that I've cut my clean-up time in half! Dontask is also right when telling you to get help if you can. I don't have any help but it's not a battle with my husband. Good luck and let us know how you are.

Although I really have no idea of all the circumstances I do know that this may be more of a mental control, or lack thereof, issue. No person wants to admit they can no longer hold their bowels. For many elderly people there is little left that they do have control over so it may be your father is just holding onto whatever he can. Be kind. Maybe have a sit down and in your most compassionate way tell him that you have noticed the problem and ask HIM for a way to help. Give the control back to him by letting him make whatever decision needed to remedy the situation.

Sometimes our elders are just like big children. When he gets like this, you're just gonna have to have some help handy and you're just going to have to get that network around him and physically clean him up and show him that dirty diaper so he knows he's the one who made that mess and that he's not really fine. You can't do this by yourself, especially with a combative person. You need about three or four different people helping you get this man cleaned up if he's very combative

Parkinson's patients will often develop their own type of dementia--sadly. And the power struggle (which is likely dad being embarrassed by this) makes the whole thing worse.

You'd think "Can't they SMELL it??" and yes, they can. but can't equate the smell with something they've forgotten they've done.

I think treating this with calm dignity and just getting him cleaned up is the first priority, HugeMom's wording for her hubby is perfect. My mother refers to her depends as Diapers--but we don't.

And be firm. I know my FIL would have a bowel loss and sit all day in it, rather than shower and clean up. And he wore thong underwear. So--just imagine, no "containment" whatsoever. Lots of sores, raw skin and pain, and it all could have been avoided.

It would have helped if my DH, his SON had said something to him, but he never would and never did. Maybe if another man spoke to him about it, you'd get some cooperation. IDK

We are more than likely in for this situation ourselves. How would you feel? Change the thought process. It's not diapers, you're not a baby. It's part of real life. I think most people look at it as an embarrassment. Sure, we all worry will it happen to me. It probably has already happened as diarrhea or when you have a scan and you have to drink that liquid to clean your system and I'm sure there are times of need to everyone at some adult point in their life. When you gotta go you gotta go. My beautiful niece in her 20's took the thought of embarrassment out of Depends because she used them for her heavy periods. Great idea. If you're embarrassed they will make them feel embarrassed. Who cares it happened/s, it done, it's a new day. Be happy that you can still hug them.

I think your problem is more with your father's attitude than with his incontinence. This sort of thing seems to bother men more than women. My husband is incontinent as well, and stubborn. I do not call them diapers to him. That makes him think he's a "baby". I also do not call the cream I use on his skin "diaper rash cream". I call the diapers underwear or briefs and the cream just skin cream. Do not show disgust or make comments when you change Dad. Just go about your business and get the job done. Let him do as much as he can for himself. If he has a trusted male friend or doctor, maybe a lighthearted conversation about how it stinks to "get old" might help. You know you need to keep Dad very clean down there. The skin in that part of the body breaks down very fast if it's not kept very clean. Be kind, respectful but firm with Dad.

Hi, and good luck! I don't know if my situation has any relevance to yours, but I'll offer it just in case. You say your dad doesn't have serious dementia, so is it possible his refusal to change Depends is understandable from an independence basis? That he doesn't want to be treated like a baby when he feels he's an otherwise functional adult? That having his children clean up after his bowel movements infuriates him because he sees it as your attempt to take away his independence?

My mom, same age, is more or less continent, but usually refuses to change her clothes or to bathe. Drives me nuts. She lives in an "independent" apartment, does not recognize her age-related failings, and turns my trying to get her to wear a clean shirt into a power struggle: me against her, my treating her as less-than-an-adult versus her resisting any step towards dependence. Your situation seemed similar to mine.

Don't have any total solutions, except that (just as with toddlers) it's better not to let the power struggle escalate. I try distraction, good-humored bribes ("Oh, you know the rule about riding in my car! Gotta have clean clothes!"), and blaming it on others ("When your son gets here, he'll wonder why we haven't done something about that stain"). Logic and common sense no longer work. Because of my schedule, I've resisted showing up in morning before she gets dressed and simply taking away the soiled clothes before she puts them back on, but I suppose that's inevitable.

cwillie, if possible, see if your mom's GP can set up a consultation with a neurologist who is interested in Parkinson's Disease and related conditions. Neurology is a very fast moving and interesting discipline right now, where knowledge and treatments about this type of problems are expanding. So, you really do want your mom to see someone who is an expert in Parkinson's Disease and related conditions. How do I know? My neurologist's expertise is in the movement disorders (I have something else, but it is best treated as if it was a movement disorder). She's primarily a consultant, that is, unless you are 'medically interesting' case (and believe me, you don't want to be 'medically interesting'.).

My mom - who has some confusing parkinson's like symptoms but no diagnosis except from her GP - has absolutely no knowledge of when she has urinated or had a bowel movement, and this happened long before she reach the point of being bedridden.

If I were you I would try to get him on a bathroom schedule, encourage him to go to the toilet before and after meals or every couple of hours. By doing this you not only may be lucky enough to catch his BM's in the toilet, but have the opportunity to change a wet/soiled pull up.

I'm not an expert on Parkinson's Disease but am thinking this can be from the progression of the disease.
If he has constant diarrhea he can have c.diff. I'd call his PCP or whomever his provider is and report diarrhea so they can test for c.diff - which means he just goes #2 nonstop.
If that isn't the case call the doctor and ask if it's ok for your dad to take Imodium.
We are not doctors here on this site so please call his doctor for guidance.
Try leaving a bedside commode next to his bed so if he can't make it to the BR he can have quick access to get on the pot.
Evaluate if he has been eating any new food that is making him go #2 more frequently. Limit his fluids approx 3 hrs before his bedtime.