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Have any of you had the experience of a loved one seemingly waiting to see a specific person or make it to their birthday or another holiday before they finally let go? Last weekend my mother saw one of her grandsons and his wife who live in another state. This upcoming week her other grandson who lives far away is coming. Then she will have seen everybody. It's our hope this will give her the go ahead to die.


Right now she's doing that thing where we think one day is her very last on earth...and then the next day she perks up. She hasn't been out of bed in a week and a half (not even to get up to watch the pro basketball games she loves). She eats/drinks very little for a time then perks up and eats for a day or two. It's crazy making.


So has it happened to you where your loved one waited for a person/event before leaving this mortal coil? What's a mortal coil, anyway?!

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Short answer YES
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Reply to shad250
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I experienced this first hand, even though I didn’t believe that it was possible. I was caring for an 84 year old woman who opted to go on hospice a week before. Friday night she aspirated. The hospice nurse came out and said she will either be better in the morning, or decline. If she declined I was to call her children. She laughed and joked with me as I changed her gown, brief, and bed. She asked me three times if I was going home, and all three times I assured her that I wasn’t going home (my shift had been over since Wednesday evening, but she was different so I stayed). She believed me the third time, her body relaxed, and she said she wanted to go to sleep. I left her room and went to sit on her porch. I used baby monitors to hear her, and the last thing I heard was a HUGE belly laugh! She laughed. Saturday morning she wouldn’t wake up. I called the kids, changed her and did her hair, cleaned up the room and set plenty of chairs in there. The family was in and out all day chatting, laughing, expressing their goodbyes, and holding her hands. At 10:00PM the last visitor left. I was there with her youngest son, and my very best caregiver. She took her last breath at 10:12. But her favorite son had left. His brother called him and he turned around to come back to the house. I was listening to her heart with my stethoscope, and that heart kept beating, slower and increasingly faint until it was like a flutter. Her son walked in the room at 10:37, and I kid you not, her heart stopped fluttering at 10:39, she lost all of her color, and she was gone. It was a profound experience for me. I am now a believer.
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Reply to Judyscare
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I think this definitely happens. My 89 yr. old FIL died last June, the day after his 54th wedding anniversary. He had been moved to hospice 5 days before. My 81 yr. Old MIL was trying to stay with him, and he was unconscious for the most part. She began having anxiety attacks there & the hospice Dr. actually had to check on her! I thought she was having a heart attack! Anyway, she had to go to emergency clinic & was given Valium & told she couldn’t stay at hospice facility. I was there with my FIL. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t passed already. The day after their anniversary, my MIL felt strong enough to come see him. As she was sitting there holding his hand, I realized he was very actively dying as I watched his breathing change and was about to panic (for fear of my MIL watching him take his last breath). Amazingly, the people that brought her decided she’d been there long enough & it was time to go. They left the building, I literally ran to get the nurse, and in just minutes my FIL was gone.

My MIL later told me she was praying that he wouldn’t die on their anniversary. I really feel that he was waiting to see her one last time. Maybe he was also wanting to make it through their anniversary.
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Reply to mollymoose
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Yep, I have seen it plenty.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Both of my parents waited to pass until all of their 6 children were right there, had said our goodbyes and with all our hands upon them, both were beautiful moments.

My FIL died in our home on Hospice, I had just been in the room with him for over an hour battling his fever and I slipped out of his room and was on the home with our Hospice Nurse trying to figure out what to do about it, but not wanting to speak in front of him, when we noticed on the baby monitor that it appeared he had stopped breathing, IMO, his preffered method, to be alone so as not to upset us, that was exactly his personality. I was thankful to have the Nurse right there with me on the phone as we pronounced him dead. Thankfully we had said our goodbyes, many times over.

My MIL died just after her husband had left the hospital for the evening.

So I do believe if we do have Any control over our dying, then it is up to us and our own preference on how and when we pass over, there is no wrong or right way to go about it.
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Reply to staceyb
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My Dad was told he wouldn't last the weekend. He lasted five more weeks, dying sometime early in the morning the day after Thanksgiving. All his kids were home.

My Mom, there was only one person who hadn't said goodbye, my nephew. We both went together. We stayed a little while and then said goodbye. 20 min later they found Mom has passed.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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My step dad lived to see his Birth day and his daughter. He died a few days after she flew home.

My Granny died on her birthday.

other family members have died on random dates that are not associated with an event.
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Reply to Tothill
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It isn’t unusual for dying people to wait, for various reasons. Sometimes they wait to see a specific person. Sometimes they wait until everyone has left for the day. Sometimes, all it takes is the family telling them it’s ok to go.

When my grandfather died, it was shortly after my aunt told him it was ok to go.

When my husband’s grandma died 6 years ago, I always thought it was strange how she died right after I left with the kids. My MIL had called everyone and told them that she was most likely going to pass that night & to come to the nursing home if they wanted to say goodbye. We were the last to get there. My husband stayed with his mom because he didn’t want her to be alone when his grandma passed so I left with the kids and I wasn’t home more than 10 minutes before she passed away. I’ve always thought maybe she waited until some of her great grandchildren had visit her. She was actively dying of pulmonary fibrosis and in a comatose state but I think she knew we were all there.

I am so sorry. I hope your mother’s passing is peaceful & she gets to see her grandson one last time. Once he’s with her, maybe you all could give her your blessing to go.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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