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He's very forgetful and easily frustrated. We've talked to him about stopping driving, but it's his last piece of independence and he's not ready.

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csalerno, I agree with the others above who used their Dad's doctor to say it is time to stop driving. It worked with my Dad.
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When I cared for my dad there came a time when I knew he shouldn't be driving anymore. I picked my time and then I brought the subject up. He listened to what I had to say and then gave me numerous reasons why there was no reason for him to stop driving.

I was noticing dings on my dad's brand new car (which he had no business buying--yet another sign that he wasn't safe behind the wheel anymore) and I just knew he was bumping into stuff. I tried to bring the topic up again but again got nowhere.

He had a Dr.'s appointment coming up so I called the Dr.'s office before the appointment and explained the situation to them. I wanted the Dr. to tell my dad that he shouldn't be driving because I wasn't getting anywhere and I knew my dad would listen to the Dr. And having the Dr. be the bad guy took the pressure off of me.

One more time I casually brought it up to my dad and suggested that we speak to the Dr. about it and let the Dr. decide. My dad agreed to this.

Once more I called the Dr.'s office and confirmed that this plan was in place and I was told that it was. I went with my dad to the Dr. appointment and on cue the Dr. brought up the driving issue. The Dr. kindly suggested that my dad stop driving, that it wasn't safe for him because of his medical issues and that it wasn't safe for others on the road. My dad gave up his keys that day.

I felt very sneaky and manipulative and I felt as if I had betrayed my dad but I also felt that I was left with little choice. He's been gone now for 3 years and to this day I feel bad about having to go about it that way but I didn't know what else to do. Wait for him to have an accident? Wait for him to be hurt or for someone else to be hurt?

I guess my point in this little story is that getting the keys away from an elderly person is a process. It's not going to happen in one day. The person isn't going to say, "You know, you're right. I shouldn't be driving. Take the keys."

This is an important issue. Hang in there and enable as much help as you think you need in getting your dad off the roads.
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To avoid having him become angry at you, you could

(a) call the Secretary of State's office, or whatever department handles driver licensing and ask how they can schedule a driver's test. You could explain to your father that someone may have seen him driving, become concerned, and reported his license number.

It's what people here call a therapeutic lie - it's for the good of your father.

(b) Ask one of his doctors to evaluate his capability for driving; the doctor can report him to SOS or other driving department.

Start now to identify acceptable alternate transportation, whether it's a combination of family, local public transit point to point service, or a similar service through the local senior center. Bring the whole family in on the transportation issue so you don't end up being the sole designated driver.

As Windy suggests, search this website - there are a number of posts similar to yours with good suggestions on both aspects of this tough issue.

You're absolutely right that it's a vestige of independence and will be traumatic for him. So plan some morale boosting activities to help him through this period. Take him out to dinner, to a concert, to visit family....find ways to support him because he will suddenly feel alone and trapped in his house.

You could also try visiting the local senior center to see if any programs interest him, and consider arranging for him to get Meals on Wheels to supplement his food needs.

Good luck; this is a hard hurdle to overcome.
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Search this site for lots of good info and disscussion on this issue. Some basic red flags, is the car getting scratched up? Accidents? Getting lost? Have you ridden with him lately? Would you put your children in the car with him?

If it's time to end the driving he may or may not be cooperative. If he's not you may have to disable the car. This is tough stuff but it's better than him killing someone on the road.

Also, you will need to come up with a plan for alternative transportation. Groceries, docs, drug store etc.
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