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My husband and I purchased a house with our son and fiancé. We're at the point where we need to set monetary, tasks and expectations "rules". Yes, this should have been done at the beginning. We'd been talking and created broad strokes of these over the last year. Now we need more structure. Where might I find sample documents? He has ALZ; I'm overall healthy. Thank you,

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Back up here for a second. You purchased real estate with your son's fiance, a person with no legal binds to your son and with your husband who has Alzheimer's?

This is a bad idea. All four of you need to go to a lawyer together and figure out what this arrangement is going to look like when it turns into a mess, and it will. What's the arrangement if your husband has to go into residential care? How about if your son and the fiance decide to call it quits and and the property has to be mortgaged or sold? Is there a 'caregiving' agreement as well? Or is it just assumed that your husband and yourself will be taken care of in the home my your son and his fiance?

Get yourselves to a lawyer.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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I would suggest you consider a "rental agreement" with the children. Outline the payment - a portion that covers the mortgage and insurance on the home and utilities that do not fluctuate, and make arrangements to share the cost of utilities that do fluctuate (water, electricity, gas...). If the living spaces are commingled, outline expectations: quiet hours, cleanliness of common areas, use of washer/dryer and kitchen areas. Consider how you want to handle repairs. If the children are providing services in lieu of payment (which I do not recommend), then outline what the services are and what they cover payment for. Make rental agreement for no longer than 6 months at a time so you can all sit down and renegotiate terms.
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Reply to Taarna
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AlvaDeer Jul 20, 2025
Charging "rental" means that's taxable income.
Calling it "Shared Living Expenses " in a care contract means no taxation of that money.
Things like this are the reasons that a good attorney is needed in these agreement.
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MarieMario: Retain an attorney.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Do this together with an attorney.
Be certain to designate EVERYTHING from privacy expectations to costs. And be certain that review of contract every 6 months or so is included, acknowledging that when it is not working for ONE family member then there will be separations and placement in a timely manner.

Do understand, that being elders and living with younger family members is a situation with a CERTAIN DOWNWARD TRAJECTORY. Things WILL change, and that change will NOT be for the better.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I SUGGEST TO THE HIGHEST LEVEL, DO NOT GET THE STATE INVOLVED.

I've pretty much do not have a mom due to the State of Oregon's Justice System. Her Guardian and the laws don't have to tell me anything. I had to hear thru the grapevine that she is in a Memory Facility. I live 7 minutes driving time to her house. I thought that a biological daughter would have had to be notified, that's how her State of Oregon court appointed attorney, her Guardian, the Guardian's attorney keep this all a secret from me, but tells my biological sister is told everything. THEIR A CULT!!
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BurntCaregiver Jul 23, 2025
@Zmom

They're not a cult in the state of Oregon or anywhere else. Your mother has a court-appointed Guardian because she could not care for herself and no one was adequately looking after her. The Guardian is not obligated to communicate anything with you or your sister, but since they're keeping your sister updated, you should talk to her.
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Find an elder care attorney please! We went through this situation & last year things changed with my dad & he had to go to a nursing home. Sister & her husband & parents bought house together to help take care of them. House was completely in my sisters name from the beginning with mom & dad paying a share of the expenses/house payment. Very simple agreement written up before hand. Now that mom has died & dad no longer in the home, we needed Medicaid for NH. They looked at the way we set up the shared expenses & especially them paying part of the house payment as a gift. Everything we thought we had done right on our own ended up causing a lot of stress. Ended up with an elder care attorney who didn’t charge a lot fortunately to make corrections needed.
If we had to do it over….. definitely at least seeking advice from an elder care attorney versed in Medicaid. Even if you look up contracts on your own & do it that way, go to the attorney for a free consultation or pay a little to have them look over your contract & how you are handling money to make sure everything is good, even if you don’t think LTC Medicaid will be needed. You never know.
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Reply to Ltracy
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Be careful here. What will happen if your husband requires a facility?? See an elder care attorney. How long have you owned your house?
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Reply to Patathome01
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Thank you, everyone! Great advise.
We have weekly family meetings. This will be the next item up for discussion.
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Reply to MarieMario
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The one thing that people don't think about is Medicaid. They gift money, sell a their home to a child for a $1 not knowing how that will affect their care down the road. This should be something that should be considered when setting up retirement.

We never know what tomorrow will bring. Like buying your house. Are you all on the deed? Lets say all 4 of you are. Husband has to be placed, money runs out and Medicaid is needed for his care. 1/4 of that house belongs to him. 1/4 of that house is part of the Medicaid recovery. Upon death a lien will be placed on that home. Don't have to sell it, but if the house is sold, that lean gets satisfied.

An Elder Lawyer is versed in Medicaid. Thats why you need an EL to write your contract because he will look at how it could affect Medicaid down the line.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Do this with an elder law attorney. Also be sure that within the contract is stipulated how often it will be reviewed with the understanding that when this arrangement is not working for one member of the family then a move to care will be necessary.
Elder law attorneys know all the tricks. For instance, if you make shared living expenses the phrasing by contract then this is not taxable income whereas "rental" is.
So you want expert advice for such decisions.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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There is so much to cover a DYI may not do it all.
Do you expect them to pay their fair share of ALL household expenses?
Do you expect them to help out with caring for your husband? If so what compensation will they get?
What happens if they can no longer help care for him?
what happens if one or both loses a job?
What happens when / if they break up?
What happens if/when children enter the picture?
Please see an attorney. An Elder Care Attorney would be your best bet and while you are there make sure you have all your "legal ducks in a row"
One more thing to consider...what happens if something happens to you first? Where will your husband end up? Who ends up with the house? Will it have to be sold to provide care for him?
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Reply to Grandma1954
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See an eldercare lawyer . It’s well worth it . This is not something to DIY , IMO . A lawyer will think of things you won’t .
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Reply to waytomisery
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