Advice on how to take keys and driving privileges from senior who doesn’t understand why.

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My father drove into the garage door with his leg out. He did not get hurt, thank God, He told me about it and we had a family meeting and decided including my father he would give up driving. We told him we would take shopping or places he wanted to go. This worked very well and my father was safe. My mother told me she did not know where she was in our town. We took her license away and explained to her it was not safe for her to drive. She accepted the decision well.
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Reply to earlybird
rovana Jul 6, 2019
You sure have sensible parents!  Congratulations.
We had this problem with my 92 year old dad. We tried and tried to get him to give up the keys after his doctor had revoked his license. He drove for 6 months without a license. He kept the keys in his pocket 24/7 so no one could get them from him. He would never allow any of us kids in his garage by themselves. There was no fooling him. At one point, someone unplugged the garage door opener from the ceiling (concerned friend) and he called a garage door company to plug it back in. I finally had to do a mini intervention with my sister and my niece there so they could distract him long enough for me to grab the keys from his pocket. He became so violent he would have hurt me if my niece hadn't been there to call 911. Police, handcuffs, ambulance ride, and 5 days in the hospital until he calmed down enough to come home. I never wish that whole experience on anyone. And then we found out he had more keys! The only way he finally gave up driving is when the sheriff showed up (I had his voicemail number stored in my phone!) and took the hard copy of his license away from him (the DMV never did that after they issued him an ID card). In my dad's mind, he still had a license because it was in his wallet even though it wasn't valid anymore. It was not until the sheriff took the hard copy of his license that he quit driving.
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Reply to Babs75

Your profile indicates the person has dementia. You won’t convince him to give up driving. I’m guessing he thinks he’s just fine.

so it the easy way or the hard way. Hard way, argue, fight, then repeat every hour, day etc. Easy way. Fib. Disable the car. (Pull,the starter relay in the fusebox under the hood) then he can't start the car. When he’s sleeping plug relay back in and get the car off site. It’s at the garage, can’t find the part whatever.

Honestly, none of this is easy but option 2 is doable.

you can screw around with the cops, letters from his doc to the DMV , hide the keys and all that but in the end the quickest and most effective method is to get the car out of his sight.
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Reply to Windyridge

I would tell your dad the truth. It isn’t safe for him to drive anymore. He is so important to you that you don’t want him to get hurt. You need him. It is also important that no one else gets hurt. He wouldn’t want that.

Traffic is heavier than it used to be; the roads are more dangerous than they were years ago. Transportation will be made available for him and he won’t have to hassle with parking, repsirs, gas and insurance.

Tell him him that he has earned the right to be treated royally. If you can’t drive him everywhere he wants to go, hire someone to regularly take him to all the places he likes. This is a true loss of independence — help your dad adapt to this new way of life.

Going our frequently will keep your dad physically healthier and mentally sharper.
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Reply to ACaringDaughter

What my cousin did in your situation...

she pulled the wires from the distributor, When it wouldn’t start, she called a local tow company ... on the side told them to take it to a vehicle storage lot. She was paying $35 a month to store it there.

meanwhile, her boyfriend was pretending to be the garage whenever she would call on his phone. On the speaker phone there was always some reason the work could not be done immediately. When he was finally told it needed a new engine $6,000. He decided he would just not drive anymore rather than pay the price. He quit willingly, and turned in his lIcense so he didn’t have to pay the insurance premiums,
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Reply to Katiekate

Your father has dementia? If so, you will need to use what we refer to as the Therapeutic Fib. Explain to him that the car needs to go in “for a tune-up” to keep it running well. Then, the car never comes back. Each time he asks, explain that the car needed some work and the mechanic had to order parts. Everyone needs to be on the same page with this story so they all tell him the same thing.

Make sure you have another mode of transportation for him so he can still get out and about.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

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